2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Mini case analysis
From the series "Tell me what to do?"
Let's imagine a situation.
The guy and the girl are in a relationship.
The guy says to the girl that his feelings for her have passed and they are parting. Naturally, this does not suit her and she would like to return it. She asks for help and asks for advice.
The girl's questions are not about how to get over the breakup and what to do with your feelings. And on how to get her boyfriend back and what kind of manipulation plan to choose.
She reinforces her plans with the desire to make him regret it.
Do you think this will be the right course of action and the desire to force the other to do something?
I agree that it is normal and even natural to want to return a person when parting causes painful feelings and you were not ready for it.
But! Not a single person can make a person return if he has made such a decision and is confident in it.
More precisely, it is possible, and even if it turns out to be returned, what will happen next?
Forcing him to return in different ways, what kind of relationship will you build on the feeling of guilt of another? And at the same time, in this situation, the girl will be fine and in this way she will rise above her partner, and the partner, on the contrary, will be lower and with an unpleasant feeling.
Will the relationship be equal then?
Further, perhaps after a while, the girl may already have feelings of shame or guilt. The guy will understand that it was not his decision to return and he still has no feelings. And most likely he will decide to leave again, or, if he stays, then ignoring his feelings and desires. Well, this will not be a satisfying relationship for two.
With all this, the person will not understand why everything turns out this way, he will blame the partner for the constant efforts of manipulation. Will not understand the pattern of his behavior, his manipulation. He will not be able to make out this, so as not to fall into such plots in a new relationship.
What to do right now?
1️. You need to realize the reason for your desired actions.
Here you can unwind everything from a reason - a desire - an action - a consequence - a new action. But the meaning? Therefore, the second point
2️. Accept that the person has a choice and has chosen to part ways. The best thing to do here is to go to a psychologist and get over the breakup.
And then analyze your pattern of behavior and desired actions in this situation.
This girl is not aware of her patterns of behavior and we cannot blame her for this. And we cannot force her to work until she herself turns to a psychologist and, with his help, sees her actions from the other side. But not the fact that she wants to work.
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