Quarrel With Best Friend / Boyfriend. How To Make Up? How To Get The Relationship Back?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You have stopped communicating with a friend or girlfriend, you are bored, and you cannot write first (or call) - what to do?

Friendship is an important close relationship even in adulthood. Every person should have at least two close friends. If you have one friend - this is already happiness, two is wonderful, and three - you are truly a rich person!

Sometimes situations arise when a person, having many friends, quarrels or, for some unknown reason, stops communicating with one of them, and begins to get bored. What to do in this case? It is scary to take the initiative, and suddenly he will reject it, but deep down in his soul, constant thoughts about the situation do not leave him alone.

There is a pretty interesting theory - if you think of someone, that someone also thinks of you. As a rule, in 80% of cases this is confirmed in life. This is why it is likely that your boyfriend / girlfriend is also sad that you broke up. However, the reason, due to which communication stopped, became "across the throat."

Do not be a proud and arrogant person, do not be afraid to seem stupid - call a friend to a meeting and ask directly what happened in your relationship ("Why did we have a fight? Why did we quarrel?"). If the fight is related to specific circumstances, it is important that you understand both yours and his part of the blame. It is necessary not only to strive to make claims ("You didn't listen to me when I needed it! That's it, now I won't communicate with you!"), Understand your behavior! It is likely that there was a hidden subtext in your actions, which conveyed rejection, some kind of disregard or indifference to the person. Try to remember the situation "in frames", analyze your words and actions, think about what has happened in your relationship lately, because of which you could offend your friend. Be honest and straightforward with yourself (especially if friendships have developed over the years - for example, classmates, kindergarten, etc.). Understand, this is a person who has witnessed a huge part of your life, he knows you for who you really are - in our time this is very valuable and important!

So, allow yourself to be as vulnerable to your loved one as possible in your situation. Try to open up and see the feedback. If a person is angry with you, starts trampling on sore spots, be frank with him ("Out of anger, you are hurting me now! Do you really want us to stop communicating?"). If you ask direct specific questions, sooner or later the interlocutor will fail and realize that he is doing nonsense (especially if the relationship is long and valuable for you and your friend).

I would like to cite as an example a situation that happened to a good friend of mine. He quarreled with a friend, although they have been friends since school. Friends see each other quite often (they meet almost every evening, visit each other, help in all matters, do massages, etc.). And so, one of the friends was frankly naughty to the other, and although it was unpleasant for the friend, he tried to get closer after a while (instead of a frank conversation, he sent some photos to a friend). Direct contact with the offender was difficult for him (“If you offended me, how can I go first to reconciliation ?! Suddenly, next time you will do the same to me?”). What was the real reason for the quarrel? Fatigue from constant closeness with a friend! To some extent, personal boundaries were violated, I wanted to take a break in the relationship (metaphorically - the person overeat, and he felt bad), but the friend could not tell about it directly (“Listen, I need time to take a break from our relationship! Let's take a break”). It is a break in contact that will allow you and your friend to rethink a lot.

Time to rethink the situation as a whole is invaluable, and you should not be afraid of this period. It is after such breaks that some miraculous transformations of a person take place, initially rejecting this connection, devaluing your relationship and showing aggression. Often there are people who, having something in life, do not appreciate it, but having lost it, they suddenly begin to understand how good it was.

Give your friend time, do not press on him with love and fear of loss, but be sure to identify yourself ("I am, and I would like to make peace with you. When you are ready, let's talk"). Talk directly to your friend (“Even now that we talked, I still think you were wrong the last time!”). Remember: the first to be reconciled is not the one who is wrong, but the one for whom the relationship is more valuable. As a rule, in relationships (if they are not rigid, not frozen), the value orientations of friends change in turn.

This does not mean at all that in this situation one takes the initiative, and the next time another. Sometimes one of the friends can take a proactive position for years, then there is a quarrel or disagreement, a long break, and only then the second friend begins to get involved in the situation, realizing that the relationship is important for him and it is time to take the initiative into his own hands. However, often the second does not have time to understand the value of the relationship inside the consciousness, if the first goes to reconciliation too quickly, so do not rush, give yourself a pause, slowly build relationships. As a rule, everything that is done quickly is of poor quality; and anything that is done slowly has a great chance of becoming important, strong and valuable.