NEW HUSBAND AND CHILD

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Every woman who marries again needs to be prepared that the child will not immediately fall in love with her new husband: his appearance in the house, perhaps, is even more unnatural than the disappearance of his father. Often, for a while, the child also develops alertness, anxiety, the experience of something alien in the house: the child worries about his place in the house.

Memories of Elvira, 37 years old. “What is this stranger doing in our kitchen? By what right does he take from the refrigerator the tomatoes given by the grandmother, grown by her own hands? … From time to time I was asked: "How is your relationship with S …?" As if they were caring. But inside me everything was boiling. What the fuck … should they fold or not? I didn’t choose him, I didn’t bring him!”.

In young children, reactions to the appearance of an unexpected new family member who have arrived are often purely emotional: children become capricious, intractable, stubborn. Or, conversely, they demonstrate absolute helplessness and often cry. And although this directly seems to have nothing to do with the new family member, there is no doubt that the reason lies in this.

A preschool child is not able to clearly tell about his feelings, so the mother needs to be sensitive and extremely attentive. If all of a sudden the child began to follow his mother "tail", which was not the case earlier, then it means that he especially needs the manifestations of her attention and care. In such cases, you should not drive the child away from yourself, but postpone all business and play with the child, do some of his favorite pastimes with him until you feel that he has “thawed out” and calmed down.

Teenagers often perceive the arrival of their stepfather as openly hostile. They behave aggressively and fight for their mother and openly say that they do not want to see a man in the house, that he is a stranger and a completely superfluous person. Mothers should be patient and not discouraged. If a woman and her chosen one adequately pass the "probationary period" of a teenager, then the relationship will improve. If you try to "break" the child or manipulate him, then this will only prolong the war, in which there will be no winner.

An important rule for maintaining well-being is the following: never compare the new husband and the child's father with the child. You cannot put a child in the position of choosing between two men, it is better that both are present in his life, and one and the other have something to respect. And even if, in the woman's eyes, the new husband is a hundred times better than the previous one, it is necessary to have the delicacy not to say it out loud - children may not quite share the joy of the new acquisition of the mother!

Memories of Irina, 35 years old. “Mother kept saying:“You will like K… when you get to know him better. He's not like your dad. K… very generous to me and to you. And your dad? When was the last time you saw a chocolate bar from him?"

There is no need to put pressure on the child, it is worth waiting until he will be able to change his attitude to neutral or positive. But if the child continues to stubbornly object to the new family member, you need to take a closer look at the relationship between the child and the man - perhaps the threat from a potential family member was not invented by the child at all?

Memories of Svetlana, 37 years old. “In the presence of my mother, he was intelligence itself. But when we were alone, he demonstratively sat in front of the TV in his underpants and said mockingly: “You are angry with me, right? Do you like me?.