2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In this article I will talk about what typical mistakes parents make about their grown children, and then - how you can build relationships with your adult children so that they satisfy both sides.
The eternal theme "Fathers and Sons" … How many generations have changed since the time of human existence, and the question "HOW TO BUILD RELATIONS WITH ADULT CHILDREN?" remains today one of the most important and fundamental in families.
Someone is not satisfied with this relationship, someone believes that it should be so, someone does not see the problem and only a few get true joy from communicating with each other.
The main reason for misunderstanding in such relationships is the THOUGHT THAT "MY CHILD IS MY FOREVER!"
No, dear mothers and fathers, your children are individuals and after 18 years of age they must fully take responsibility for their own lives and happiness into their own hands.
From the moment your son or daughter turns 18, you must understand that the role of a mother is in the past for you, now you can be on an equal footing as 2 adults and separate people. The role of the mother has changed since then and she is more of a friend than a guardian.
At the heart of everything is RESPECT for your own grown child. It is the lack of genuine respect that prevents parents from treating their children as equals.
The main mistakes in the behavior of parents with adult children:
1. Parents believe that their children will remain in their power forever. It's a delusion. The more you try to exercise power in the relationship, the stronger the resistance from your son or daughter will be.
2. Instructions on how to live, what to do, how and where to study and work. By this you are telling your adult son or daughter that he is not able to make decisions and choose for himself.
3. The thought that he owes you (for being born; for raising him; for taking care of him). This is also a delusion. Your son or daughter does not owe you anything. When you decided to have a baby, it was your decision, you wanted it. Another thing is that you need to educate so that children have a feeling of great gratitude to their parents.
4. Violation of boundaries. Often parents climb with unsolicited advice, try to influence the choice of a life partner, planning a new family.
5. Resentment. Resentment suggests that both sides (parents - children) have innuendo, past traumas. Very often, parents take offense at their children because they are not satisfied with the attitude and coldness on the part of adult children.
You can still list the mistakes of parents for a very long time, the essence, the reason for all of them will be as follows:
- Our children grew up and we suddenly turned out to be UNNECESSARY … Yes, we need to admit it to ourselves. Imagine, this usually happens with those parents who have devoted their whole life to a child. And suddenly - emptiness…. What to do with yourself? Therefore, mothers and fathers continue their "Business" of upbringing. The feeling of uselessness arises only when a person is not needed by himself.
- Parents still want pleasure from an adult child. Hence the grievances, instructions, demands, advice. Once you gave birth to enjoy it (to play, take care, admire - think about it, it was you who received positive emotions!). Now you want to continue.
- Unwillingness or fear to live your own life.
Selfishness underlies the reasons. For those who are interested in learning about how to act in relationships with adult children, I will tell you in the next article.
Good luck!
Be brave to face it!
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