2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Manipulation is a phenomenon that is not always easy to recognize. Especially if it is aimed at children by the parents. Indeed, most often she hides under the guise of care and guardianship. And it is even more difficult to cope with it for a child who is financially dependent on his parents, a schoolboy or a student
If we consider an adult who assumes that his parents are manipulating him and he is suffering from this, then this issue should be dealt with in more detail.
Since there are also families where manipulation is appropriate, and each of the two parties is happy with it. Parents - complete control over the child, adult or not, and the child, for their part, completely relinquished responsibility for their actions and decisions. Parents always know everything, they will tell you how to do or how not to do it. And a child or an adult can only do everything.
Why is this happening? Manipulation is not always a psychological move and a premeditated cunning strategy. Most often it is a repetition of the behavior of their own parents. They grew up in this format of communication and do not know any other way, did not learn. Their internal unresolved conflicts can also be the reason, and manipulation is a symptom, protection from them, the ability to cope with the anxiety they cause.
Manipulations can be completely different, they can be used separately, together, depending on the age of the child or parent, the situation or just the mood. The reason is always in the parents themselves, and we described it above.
Examples:
- parents behave in such a way that they make you feel guilty, press on pity
- constantly monitored and asked to retell how the day went
- begin to hurt sharply, but constantly refuse medical care
- constantly interfere with your personal relationships
- regularly set as an example of friends and their friends
- they see your life and future exclusively in gray tones
What's happening:
The child is never a subject for the parents. Manipulation does not mean taking into account the wishes or preferences of another. He (a child or an adult) will always remain an object for the parent, the one who will do what will remove fear or anxiety, the one who will make him feel important and significant, the one who will always allow him to be always under power or control, the one who can be close emptiness and loneliness.
And of course, always the manipulation of parents gives in under the sauce of care, guardianship and love. And it is very difficult to reject, deny.
After all, for a child, initially, parents are the first and most significant people whom you love and whom you unconditionally believe. And this is normal for young children who are very dependent on their parents. But when a child grows up, it is very important for him to establish his boundaries, to declare his rights and desires. He needs to be separated from his parents, and primarily psychologically. This is exactly what happens in adolescence, when the child begins to rebel, say constantly and all "no". It is important for him to build his own world where he can be independent. And if this opportunity is not given, if the parents completely dominate their child, then this can continue into adulthood. And it doesn't matter then already, you are 20, 30 or 40 years old.
What can be done or how to behave with manipulating parents?
1. First, learn to recognize when you are being manipulated. Some examples are given above. And they are systematic or constant, they cause you aggression or suffering. You notice them, and they interfere with your life. Realizing manipulation is already half of coping with it.
2. Make the decision that you will grow up. The easiest way to manipulate is psychologically not an adult, or an adult child. Mentally, an adult understands his desires, knows how to make decisions and take responsibility for them.
3. Understand your feelings: guilt, shame, fear, aggression, love. It is important to know how you feel in those moments when you are faced with manipulation. And you need to work with these feelings, independently or with specialists. Your relationship with your parents has been polished for a very long time, and you won't be able to change overnight.
4. Find and set your boundaries. This means that you will think about yourself, about what you want, how you want to build your life.
5. Try to understand the parent-child relationship. It can be difficult, painful, unpleasant, and you will encounter negative feelings and experiences. But you can find the truth only in your childhood, where these relationships began to form.
6. And always remember, you have every right to live the way you want it. And this does not mean that you betray your parents and no longer love them. This means that first of all you choose yourself, your desires and a conscious life.
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