If The Desire To Give Birth Comes To Maturity: Reasons

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In my practice, I began to meet women in their thirties, who only now began to think about motherhood. During this year, there are eight such clients aged 36 to 45 years. And for thirteen years of practice, the number of such cases is over thirty.

Let's start with the most difficult question - with the reasons for the somewhat protracted process of thinking about pregnancy.

Certainly childhood traumas and unresolved fears

• An authoritarian parental figure (mother or father) with an odious, hard-line attitude towards her daughter, especially during puberty.
• Striving to get out of an unsatisfactory financial situation and make a career for yourself.
• The fear of pregnancy itself (namely, the attitude "I will have a sick child!"

I do not consider here a history of miscarriages or abortions, since this is a separate group with a slightly different level of traumatic circumstances.

Conditionally, you can also distinguish a group of fears due to other reasons. So, a girl, a gynecologist by education, at the age of 43, voluntarily refused to give birth to a child, despite her health and opportunities.

“Over the years of practice, I have done so many abortions, have seen enough of such that I’m scared … I’m afraid of what the Almighty will punish,” - religious fear, fear of retribution here acts as a very strong blocker of the desire to become a mother, which is quite natural for a woman.

Considering the first group of fears, attention is drawn to the violation of sexual education and education of a teenage girl.

“Mom didn’t tell me anything about sex, about pregnancy. When her breasts began to grow, she seemed to move away from me. went to the cinema, did not even kiss, she made me a completely wild scandal! About the fact that I am a slut, that I will give birth to a bastard, I will throw it at her and … Further, I seemed to forbid myself to think about the child. I am still not married, mom 74 years old … She became old … And only now she began to understand that she might not be at any moment … But for whom should I live? , Says my client Alina at the age of 43 (name has been changed).

"We are from a very poor and large family. I am the second child of eight. Mom gave birth to me at the age of 19 … She has my first brother. Last year he died of cirrhosis. Chronic alcoholic. All our life we lived in poverty, my mother traded in the market, revelry, drinking companions … I have always been for the eldest. And I dragged my brother from the drug den on myself, and siblings to dress, put on shoes … while my mother was in another binge … In general, as I finished school, I ran away from home. Studied at vocational school as a hairdresser, along the way I helped my mother, she was still giving birth by that time. But I categorically refused to come home. I rented rooms, interrupted myself with earnings … Slowly got stronger, already began to rent an apartment … I met a man. Married. But he asked me to give birth. I refused, did not want to remember all this hell … Now I am already 40 years old … And now something has begun to be born in me. Children do not irritate, their cry … Probably, I am getting old … ", - Rita (name has been changed) shares her story.

"I was born into a very intelligent family of doctors. My grandmother is an honored gynecologist, my mother is an endocrinologist, my father is a surgeon and a teacher of the medical institute … And all my childhood I remember only professional conversations and a sea of literature. I was very afraid of ugly little bodies, alcoholized in jars, kept by my father in the department … And somehow I suddenly suggested to myself that I would give birth to the same child … And I was covered. The first husband, the second … I broke the tradition, entered the legal department. But when I remember these little bodies, I still feel uncomfortable " Lika, 39 years old.

Thus, based on attitudes, a purely individual correction route is required for each woman, taking into account her fears, traumatic experiences and the degree of desire to become a mother. It is important to identify how much the desire to have a child in adulthood is significant for the woman herself, since they are met as true desires, when a woman consciously takes this step and prepares herself for motherhood. But unfortunately, there are also false tendencies, when a woman suddenly decides to give birth only because she "must" or to please the man who gave her an ultimatum. Therefore, in such a complex and controversial issue requiring responsibility, objective weighing of all the pros and cons, it is necessary to work out all attitudes, stereotypes, distorted worldview paradigms for a confident and informed choice.