Once Again About Security

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

So, what happens (and should be) and what should in no case be in normal psychotherapy.

First, an important, in my opinion, disclaimer: unfortunately, most of us, in one form or another, faced violence in childhood and continue to face it in life. Probably we can say that violence is a kind of "habit", and therefore, it: a) difficult to identify and b) gives rise to a number of "strange" and non-ecological ideas about yourself and life … For example, it may be the belief that “if something goes wrong, then it’s“something is wrong”with me,” the belief that “an emotional disagreement and all kinds of difficulties are a sign of the“correctness”of what is happening, that for the sake of the correct result, it is necessary to "hack" something in oneself (psychologically protection, resistance).

In general, this leads to the fact that unsafe trainings, authoritarian and non-ecological presenters are perceived as a "home", which immediately contributes to uncritical perception, after all, a person essentially finds himself in a well-known environment of his childhood, and, roughly speaking, if mom and dad "could" yell at me, then why shouldn't the presenter (a new authority figure)?

Now I will go through the points that it would be very desirable to pay close attention to when meeting a new presenter, psychologist, therapist and everyone who offers their services on a tempting journey deep into oneself:

1. Request

2. Money

3. Transparency, realism and clarity of the result

4. "Hacks" and resistance

5. The important word "Stop"

6. Touch (and boundaries)

7. Your personal feelings

Request: the same client request that the therapist, psychologist, trainer should, at a minimum, ask. And which you, as someone who wants to apply for their services, in theory, should have. Psychotherapy is not a very pleasant thing in and of itself, so they do not come to it without a request. Moreover, I believe that psychotherapy (in the broadest sense of the word) serves to consciously improve the quality of your life - and from this you can build on for your own motivation, and this is what any sane specialist will be interested in first of all - "What do you, as a client, want?" At the same time, it is perfectly normal to help shape unclear feelings into specific words and then make sure that this, framed, is really what the client wants.

To be wary stands when the "psychologist" takes on the role of a fortune teller and a soothsayer, saying that he will now tell everything (right from the doorway) about your problems and what you need. Rush ("Well, everything is clear, let's get started") or unrealistic promises like "any whim for your money" should also be alarming. The most general rule here: while I do not quite understand what I want and what I will get as a result of the work [offered to me by a specific leader / specialist], I DO NOT start any therapy.

Monetary arrangements should be as clear and transparent as possible. It is the psychologist's responsibility to name the price (for example, I give the cost of my services per hour and report the approximate average duration of a standard therapy session in the method I work with). Any price changes are also negotiated clearly and in advance + a specialist must be open and available to discuss the monetary issue. Any indistinctness and hesitation, as well as sudden price hikes, should be alarming.

Here, again, there is a cultural component - it is not customary to talk about money in our country, and that is why this item is one of the good indicators of the specialist's adequacy … If a person has dealt with his own "cockroaches" in this vast (and difficult to work out) field, this is an indicator of responsibility.

What "calls" can be here: free (if we are not talking about state services and charitable organizations); excessive emphasis on the topic or inappropriate emotion (insults, depreciation, disparaging statements, etc.), price manipulation (I have read about cases when the therapist raised the price with the allegedly increased client resistance; making complaints to the client with a mention of the financial side of the case, etc.).)

Result.

The general rule is that the shorter the training or therapy, the more precise and local the result should be … Here you can assess the general realism of what you are offered - for example, can you really change the entire system of your beliefs and values in, say, 3 days? Obviously not, because this system has been formed over the years and consists not only of the beliefs of the person himself, but also of the values of his parental family, and affects such an important concept as loyalty to the family.

If the facilitator / psychologist gives an exercise, he must be able to explain what the participants will get in the end, what exactly they will "take home" and what is the benefit of this exercise. And no "mystery" and "secrecy" (according to the principle "do first, and then you will see") are not appropriate here, as well as vague explanations. Of course, any technique, any exercise has nuances, and as a leader I cannot know in advance what each participant will discover for himself, but I can say for sure "In this exercise we are exploring our inner support figure" or "We are looking at the components of our Person, and through contact with the Self we find a new way of interacting with others ", and I will give explanations on the exercise algorithm and try to answer any questions as fully as possible, lead and help in the process of implementation, and so on.

In my opinion, here it is worth paying attention to irritation - whether it arises from the leader / therapist in response to questions and requests to clarify something, whether the person strives to get away from the answer, to laugh at the question, to evade in one way or another - in general, what is the behavior of the leader / psychologist at the moment when the client something is unclear.

More very important: "just pumping up emotions" can NOT be the goal (and the result of) adequate therapy or training! Firstly, it is dangerous and not environmentally friendly (up to getting to a regular or psychiatric hospital), and secondly, ask yourself the question, who will "fix all this" if something "breaks" inside during the "emotional swing"? There is only one exception - the client's specific request for "swinging" and experiencing peak states WITHOUT any adjustment after.

"Hacks" and so on

One of the most important points, because the very presence of such terminology in a specialist's speech is already alarming. In adequate psychotherapy, no one "breaks" anything, psychological defenses are respected, possible resistance is spoken of clearly and, if possible, in advance, warning the client that it can be and telling how it looks and feels most often. The same applies to all kinds of provocations, manipulations and pressure.

For the safety of clients and / or training participants, there is a normative rule - at any time a person can stop - either completely, or for a while to "take a breath". You can ask a specialist about such a stop during the process in advance and, as a rule, methods and exercises that imply the ability to interrupt are safer (controllable). Examples are bodily insight (we can interrupt during the session without affecting the result), vivation. An example of a process that cannot be interrupted is rebirthing (and therefore this method has rather strict restrictions and contraindications).

And of course, if it is announced that a person "does not have the right" to leave the training / interrupt the program - this is a very alarming sign.

Good adequacy marker is a relationship to physical boundaries clients / participants. General (and iron for normal processes) rule - no one has the right to touch you WITHOUT your permission, and in any way physically affect you. Those. it is a direct and unambiguous prohibition on violence that must be voiced by the facilitator / psychologist.

Last point: in a culture of violence, it is very unprofitable to instill in a child the habit of listening to himself. Generally notice how I feel and, most importantly, believe my feelings. However, our feelings, our general state during / after communication with someone is our best advisor. The body does not lie, and if you experience bodily discomfort, this is the brightest "bell" that "something is wrong" is happening. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that the specialist turned out to be a "specialist"; perhaps, this person simply does not suit you personally, even as a professional.

Therefore, I consider this point the most important - what do the sensations of the body tell you, what is your general emotional state after meeting a person - a presenter, a psychologist? In my opinion, it makes sense to give yourself time to feel better, is there a desire to communicate / work further, or are you trying with all your might to persuade yourself that it "seemed" to you and "it was not so bad"? An unequivocal "yes" is always felt as comfort, as calmness, even as joy, but "no" sometimes takes various forms of long "negotiations" in its own head - and this can also be a hint whether to start or continue.