2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why do people fall in love?
It's very simple: they suddenly see their reflection in another person. This also explains our sympathy. But sympathy differs from falling in love in that the similarity is much weaker, so as not to imagine existence without its double.
Love is another matter. I would say neurotic love. The reflection is so close to the original that you don't want to part with it, you want to see it, hear and touch it for an immeasurably long time. It can fully correspond to the real I, or ideal, or the desired qualities are embodied in it.
Why is this happening?
Yes, because everything in yourself is sweet: the voice, and the gait, and thoughts, and feelings, and unforgettable facial features. And everywhere I want to see myself, a loved and dear person. Don't you walk past even one mirror without looking at yourself? Do shop windows fascinate you with their content? God bless you, looking out for yourself. And when you leaf through a family album, who are you looking for in the first place? But a movie with a home video - who are you trying to catch in the frame? That's the same.
It happens in another way. You deny a lot in yourself, you hate your ears, or the structure of your jaw annoys you. Your imagination creates the perfect face, you look for it among the crowd - and you find it. It is with the ears you dream about. And you can no longer part with them, you can’t allow them to belong to someone, not you. And then love comes. You do not imagine yourself outside your native image (after all, it is you yourself!), You strive for it, you cross thousands of kilometers in order to feel the joy of possession. Note the possession of oneself. This is the trick of love: you can caress yourself, hug, kiss, look at yourself, hold your hand, suddenly open up or cry, and immediately get feedback, again - from your loved one. And when the value system of your reflection coincides with yours, you finally assign it to yourself.
If the reflection changes with you, everything is okay, you can go through life together and die in one day.
Problems begin when one of you changes. If the connection is superficial, you easily leave in search of a new I. But when you are stuck to your most beloved ears, when you believe that he (she) is you, you cannot escape from hell. “You have grown into me” - isn't it a vivid example of identification?
For a while, we cannot accept that the other is changing, and we rush to all the bad in order to return everything to its place. This is my reflection, and it should reflect me! But the mirror more and more resembles a crooked one, the ears are stretched into two ugly cones, the jaw is about to touch the boots, squint develops rapidly - and you no longer want to look, and you look away, and more and more often you perceive loneliness as a reward …
Great disidentification sets in. Love is gone
Each new meeting crumbles into fragments from our mirrors, and I already understand that I am me, and you are you
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