2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Relationships should provide a sense of security. This is the very primary warmth, love, care, constancy and trust. Otherwise, you will be completely focused on fixing something, improving something, spending a huge amount of your energy on patching endless holes and believing that this patch, then, probably 100% will not break this time.
Your entire focus will be on the relationship until security in the relationship is restored.
But, as a rule, in a relationship where everything is initially not smooth, this very sense of security can never be achieved. This is a utopia. An unattainable oasis.
Yes, there are approaches that claim that everyone can be with everyone. Only there is a BUT - but this is about the fact that the possibility of a given representation, theory or thesis presented above is possible only on the condition that each in a pair must reshape himself to be able to be with the other together. Where it would be necessary to resolve an unrealistic number of dependencies, interdependencies, dynamics and conflicts on the side of each of the pair. Therefore, this theory in fact seems to be a hypothesis, which practically cannot be verified in real conditions. Otherwise it is impossible. This is a utopia, a dream.
But we have to agree that for many, this idea sounds pretty romantic. Indeed, it is based on the idea that in fact there are no obstacles to being with the loved one with whom we want to be.
Why does it sound romantic? Because a codependent person will immediately be affirmed in the idea that he can correct his boyfriend, husband, lover (wife, mistress, girlfriend). Now it is difficult, now there is suffering, but there is a certain hope that if you try very hard, then everything is possible. For nowhere is this idealistic representation of an unripe personality, which is why I stopped at the example of the codependents.
But life, in its banality, is a rather complex system, and in fact, in order to unravel such a tangle of dynamics and conflicts, it practically equals to do the tz. restore or reboot our computer to the primary BIOS.
But only the Platonic ideal, the spherical horse in a vacuum, is unattainable. Because this very intricate tangle is the very ones we are.
Therefore, if you don't get along right away with someone, then the rule says: it will get worse further. Security will never be achieved. This is a utopia.
And security in a relationship is about growth. You cannot move forward or expand if your focus is in the relationship. Your resources are scattered.
But in cases where the relationship brings a sense of security and satisfaction, you must also remember that security is not a constant variable. Like any feeling, it is in context and often this context affects the intensity, frequency and duration. Therefore, it is normal that sometimes crises penetrate into the equation, sometimes destroying the entire aesthetics of the equation, and sometimes I make all the members of the equation more complex, which certainly equals strong in this meaning.
But if the crisis is not a fickle variable, but a permanent canvas of your relationship, you are in trouble. You are destroying yourself and your life. Stop it.
Recommended:
Part 1. How Hormones And Neurotransmitters Discreetly Control Our Choices, Sex And Relationships
"A gray cardinal is an influential person who acts behind the scenes and usually does not occupy formal positions with such powers." Wikipedia Few aspects of human relationships evoke as intense feelings and experiences as sex and sexuality.
Internal Self-reliance, Financial Security = Freedom And Happiness Of A Woman
Increasingly, in my practice, I come across the stories of women who find it difficult to grow up now. Even if a woman is 40, inside of her there is still that inner little girl who is still looking for and longing for a person who will cover all her needs.
The Four Pillars Of Security In Relationships
I'm comfortable with this person. Often women say this about a man. And if not comfortable? What is it about? Sometimes we don't even understand how this is expressed. Comfort … It is with this word that we often replace the word "safety"
Interpersonal Relationships Of Students And The Perception Of Relationships With Parents In Childhood
In the presented work, the peculiarities of interpersonal relations of adults were studied, as well as the peculiarities of their perception of relations with parents in childhood. A total of 100 people took part in the study (50 men and 50 women).
About How A Person Wanted Security And Guarantees And Did Not Even Notice What It Cost Him
The life of an adult is too deliberate and rational. Risk, liveliness, natural craving of any living creature for exploration, for penetration, for expansion, for regular shedding of skins completely disappeared from it. Instead, a person accumulates skin and imperceptibly turns bronze - building up armor.
