7 FAVORITE ROCKER PHRASES. HOW TO RECOGNIZE GASLIGHTING

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Gaslighting is used by people with narcissistic disorder, sociopaths and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you can no longer resist. You might be looking for ways to break the connection with this toxic person, but all your energy goes into trying to restore the feeling of contact with reality and trust in your feelings, which he is destroying.

The most common phrases that gaslighters use to terrorize and harass you:

1. "YOU HAVE LOST MIND / YOU HAVE A WRONG HEAD / YOU CLEARLY NEED HELP"

Translation: “You are not in trouble. You just figured out what I really am under the mask, and you are trying to hold me accountable for my questionable behavior. It would be better if you doubted your own sanity and believed that the problem is in you, and not in my deceit and manipulation. As long as you believe that you are the one who needs help, I will not have to change and work on my disorder in thoughts and behavior. " Gaslighters portray doctors with a grin, treating victims as disobedient patients. Explaining the presence of emotions as a mental disorder, the abuser pathologizes the partner and belittles him. An even greater effect is achieved if the victim manages to provoke vivid emotional outbursts in public in order to demonstrate to others who have head problems here. Abusers push their victims to their limits to provide evidence of their instability. “Most of the victims of violence reported that their partners actively contributed to the deterioration of their mental health or the use of alcohol / illegal substances. The victims stated that the partners threatened to use information about mental health or the use of substances against them when communicating with authorities (lawyers, guardianship authorities)."

2. "YOU ARE JUST NOT SURE OF YOURSELF AND ARE Jealous"

Translation: “I like to plant in you the seeds of doubt about my attractiveness, competence and personality. If you dare to speak out about my affairs, I will definitely put you in your place so that you are afraid of losing me. I assure you, the problem is not at all my duplicity. It is your inability to remain confident while I constantly humiliate you, compare you to others, and in the end I will leave you for the sake of someone better. Building love triangles and creating harems is a narcissist's strong point. Robert Greene, author of The Art of Seduction, mentions an “aura of seduction” that creates a fierce sense of competition among potential partners. Triangulation tactics give malignant narcissists a perverse sense of power over their victims. Abusers actively instigate jealousy in their partners in order to control them and make them look crazy when they finally react. If the victim accuses the narcissist of being unfaithful, she is immediately labeled insecure, controlling, and jealous. The abuser thus removes suspicion in order to continue to enjoy attention, praise and stroking his ego. Remember, for someone who has something to hide, any question seems like an interrogation. Narcissists often become enraged, shut down and defend themselves excessively when faced with evidence of their betrayal.

3. "YOU ARE TOO SENSITIVE / RESPONDING TOO HARD"

Translation: “The point is not that you are too sensitive, but that I am insensitive, callous and unempathetic. I don’t care about your emotions when it’s unprofitable for me. Your negative reactions spur me on and give me pleasure, so please continue. I like to humiliate you for your normal reaction to my insults. Whether you are sensitive or not does not matter when it comes to psychological or physical abuse. In a healthy relationship, there is always room for feelings and emotions, there is a right to express them, even if the partners do not match them. The abuser tends to over-focus on your so-called sensitivity and claim that you are overreacting. No matter how sensitive you are, the narcissist will never take responsibility for his terrible actions.

4. “IT WAS JUST A JOKE. YOU DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR"

Translation: “I camouflage the violence I inflict with jokes, and I like it. It gives me pleasure to call you names, humiliate you, and then declare that you lack the sense of humor to appreciate my perverse wit. By making you feel inferior, I can say and do whatever I want with a smile and a sly laugh. " According to Patricia Evans, author of Dealing with Verbal Aggression, disguising harsh remarks and hurtful comments as “harmless” jokes is a technique widely used when dealing with elements of psychological abuse. It is malice that distinguishes such communication from playful teasing, a prerequisite for which is mutual understanding, trust and enjoyment of all participants. Malicious narcissists are “just kidding,” taunting you, calling you names, humiliating you, and showing you total disrespect. At the same time, they are absolutely not going to apologize and accept responsibility for the insult inflicted. They are more likely to instill in you confidence that the problem is your inability to appreciate their wit and your complete lack of humor, than to admit the maliciousness of their statements. In addition, "just jokes" are used by abusers to check boundaries early in a relationship. What you thought was inappropriate, awkward comments at first can turn into psychological abuse at the hands of the narcissist. If you find that your partner is laughing at you more than with you, run. It won't get better.

5. “JUST FORGET. DID. WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN?"

Translation: “I didn’t give you enough time to think about the last heinous incident. You just have to forget him, let go of the situation so that I can continue to exploit you without any change in my behavior. Let me boggle your head with declarations of love and make you think things will be different this time. Do not remember my past similar actions, because then it will become clear that all this will continue in a circle. In a cycle of abuse, the abuser often initiates a hot-cold regime. From time to time, he throws crumbs of love to the victim to keep her on the hook for the return of the relationship to the honeymoon phase. This manipulation tactic is known as periodic reinforcement. At first, the abuser terrorizes you, and the next day he communicates as if nothing had happened. And if you remember other offensive cases, he will offer to forget everything and let go so that the cycle can continue indefinitely.

6. "THE PROBLEM IS IN YOU, NOT IN ME"

Translation: “The problem is in me, but I'll be damned if I let you realize it! I'd rather attack you while you're trying to do the impossible to meet my fickle expectations of how you should behave and how you should feel. You will spend endless hours trying to correct flaws that do not exist in reality, and you will always be insufficiently worthy. And I can just sit back and relax, rightfully continuing to mistreat you. You just won't have the strength to resist me. " Usually, abusive partners tend to project their worst qualities onto loved ones. They even go as far as calling their victims narcissists and abuser, transferring their own evil traits and behavior to the victims. In this way, they make their victims believe that they themselves are to blame and that the problem is their response to the violence, not the violence itself. Dr. Martinez-Levy notes: “The narcissist always thinks he is right. He or she automatically blames the other if something goes wrong. It is very difficult to be the object of narcissistic projection. The incredible power of accusations and reproaches from the narcissist is confusing and disorienting."

7. “I NEVER SPEAKED OR DO THIS. WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?"

Translation: “By making you doubt what I did or said, I question the adequacy of your perception and memories of the abuse experienced. If I make you think it’s all fiction, you’ll start wondering if you’re okay with your head instead of making sure that I’m a cruel person.”

Try to physically and emotionally distance yourself from the abuser. Be sure to record events as they happened in reality, and not as your abuser describes them to you.

Save text, voice, e-mail messages, audio or video recordings that can help you remember facts during a clouded mind, do not pay attention to the distortion and nonsense that the abuser is broadcasting to you.