2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The realization that we bear the trail of old psychotraumas does not come immediately. Not immediately, and there is an understanding and awareness of the importance of pain for oneself from the closest relative - mother or father.
In family conflict scenarios, when the family breaks up, when the children remain with the mother, the status of the father is often belittled, often on purpose, underlined. This is a catastrophic mistake.
Such subjective conclusions about the father reflect not only the untrained psychotraumas of offended mothers and grandmothers, but also create a mental breakdown for growing daughters.
Life situations are so different that it is not possible to consider all the nuances in one key. However, attitudes in many families are destructive and pernicious.
"You will be like your father!" - this phrase often sounds like a sentence for a daughter who doesn't really know her father and sees him through the eyes of her mother and / or grandmother. It reflects the mass of negatively colored emotional states in relation to the girl's father.
As a result, we often meet girls at consultations with impaired perception of reality precisely because of unprocessed, distorted family values. These are girls who do not have a family life or the same scenario of family relations occurs.
"I have no relationship with my father"
"Father abandoned us. He died for us!"
"I hate my father!"
Such disappointing states of girls brought up without a father, as well as deprived of his affection and attention, on the one hand, are understandable and many have words of support, regret, and often some encouragement. Very often, in conversations related to complaints about the father, a person finds the development of this topic with friends or relatives. But this in no way solves the human problem, but rather serves as a stimulating means to its escalation.
Hence the destructive "All men are goats!" And the apotheosis of hatred for the paternal line.
The following dangerous moments in family values are revealed
1. When there is no equality and respect between spouses, reinforced by other relatives. So, very often there is neglect of the other side (in this case, we are talking about the attitude towards the husband's family. "They are all drunks!", "Nothingness!" And so on).
2. When, after the birth of a child, a woman forgets about her husband, often dissolving in her child. As a result of this, a deformation of relations occurs when a woman authoritarianly demands from a man exclusively material resources, neglecting spiritual values. For example, the family model, when a wife kicks out her husband just because his salary is low.
3. When, after a divorce, a woman forbids her child to communicate with the father. In parallel with this, the child is often set up not only against the father, but also against all his relatives.
A distorted system of family values, in which the father is virtually absent, entails complex conflict situations both within the daughter's personality and in relations with the opposite sex. Such deformations constantly remind of the need to revise the father's figure in the family, to rethink his role, to try to see him not through the curved glass of mother's and grandmother's attitudes, but with an objective look, followed by the realization of the significance of the figure in the girl's life.
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