The Figure Of The Father And The Paternal Position

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This week I had 5 consultations on parent-child relationships. Guess who exactly came to me with the question of how to establish or improve a relationship with a child. I think you are not mistaken - they were mothers.

Most modern families live in such a way that raising children falls on the shoulders of mothers. Dads, even if the family is full, solve such problems as material support of the family, preservation and growth of business. And we must pay tribute to such dads, if this worries them, then the family is of great importance to them. But they practically do not have time to communicate with children. If the parents divorced, then the communication between the dad and the child becomes completely limited, if not completely excluded.

Everyone has known for a long time that both mom and dad are equally important in a child's life. For the harmonious development of both the child individually and the family as a whole, each of them must perform certain functions. In psychology, the functions of dads are called a special term - the Father's position. It is possible to establish in the Father's position, as will be shown below, only in close respectful contact with the mother of children - this cooperation and relationship reminds me of Yin and Yang, the unity of the male and female principles that creates harmony - family happiness, the fruits of which are happy children.

If dad manages to take this position in time and gain a foothold in it, then his relationship with children, and even with his wife, what to hide, will develop much easier throughout his life, and you will be able to hear more than once: “Dad, you are my very best! . So,

9 basic actions of the Pope to take the Father's position

1. The first and main action of the pope in the formation of the paternal position will be - to appear. The figure of the Father must emerge. The figure of the Father appears in the mind of the child at a time when he begins to understand that the mother, whom he considered only his own, sometimes leaves. She does not go away forever and not just to nowhere. She goes to someone else, who also has some rights to her. And this third is the Father. During this period, the Pope enters the child's consciousness as a separate figure that performs some specific functions. And the main one at this moment is

2. Claim the mother. The father is the husband of the child's mother. And she belongs to him. Children are the fruits of love, the primary is always the relationship of the parents. The father needs to show that the mother of the children is his wife, that He will sleep with her, that He has the right to possess her, and not the children who have sucked all the juices and all the nerves out of her and continue to drink more every year. A child is just a child - cared for, raised, looked after and played with. But it is not the child who dictates the rules of communication in the house and owns the world of the family. Therefore, 3. Therefore, the next thing dad should do is take the position of a Father who knows how to do it right and how to do it wrong … That is, the position of Law and Order. It is the father who must dictate and establish the rules of the family, normalize the behavior of children and mothers. But it is very important here

4. Know the rules and norms of the Father's behavior and follow them … Drinking beer 40-year-old dad, lying on the couch, who complains about a life that did not work out, because his own mother does not love him and does not care about him, and all employers cannot appreciate his talent and therefore he does not get a job for 2 years work, will not create in the child the image of the Father, whom you want to be like, and whom, in principle, you can proudly call the Pope.

If the Father himself fulfills his own rules and norms of behavior, it will not be at all difficult for him -

5. Limit the mother in over-concern, the desire to predict everything and put a straw under the child's bottom … The father probably knows that the most valuable thing in life that money cannot buy is his own life experience. And he comes only with the opportunity to receive it on his own mistakes, ups and downs. Therefore, such a father controls the mother in her desires to do everything "as best and as she knows." Dad creates conditions for the child to develop the skill of independence. The independence of the son and daughter, like all their other desires and characteristics, manifests itself in different ways, so the Pope will

6. Treat your son and daughter differently. To be the dad of a girl is tenderness, to be the father of a son is to this masculinity. These are two different relationships - read, find out, consult how to treat a dad to his son and daughter and treat your children according to their gender. But both the girl and the boy will be useful if dad can

7. To teach children the ability to withstand all the difficulties of life without falling apart for any reason. Fighting in hysterics - this is sometimes forgiven to mom (ideally, she should endure everything without falling to pieces). She can scream when her son comes with a broken nose in blood, when her daughter fell into a puddle and tore a ball gown when they did not pass the final exams and this broke her heart. But the Father is a person who gives the child the opportunity to make an independent choice, gives him the opportunity to gain his own experience, and regardless of the result, he shows that life continues. This can be seen very well on a personal example - the Pope was dismissed, whether his shares burned out or the bank in which all his savings were bursting - life goes on: Pope is not hysterical.

A dad who has taken a fatherly position will never give up this position - a lot depends on him in the family and in the process of raising children. But even if something goes wrong somewhere, Dad knows that the most important thing that he can do for his children is

8. Love your wife. The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. If the relationship between parents is filled with love, respect, trust and the ability to come to an agreement, then the figure of the Father will certainly appear in the mind of the child. The image of the Father who takes care of the mother will be a role model for the boy, and a dream for the girl in future relationships. Dads, love your wives - this is very nice. And most importantly, it is very useful for your children and for yourself. After all, it is your wife who will maintain your authority and the rules you have established in your absence. And it is with the support of his wife that it will be easy for the Pope to show his children that

9. It is not the amount of time spent with the Pope that matters, but the quality of this communication. If the father comes late or works on a daily basis, this does not mean that he is bad and absent from the child's life. There is work on a rotational basis, when dads leave for a month or more, there are seafarers on long voyages whom children do not see for six months, there are dads who are archaeologists, but you never know different professions for dads who demand their absence from home. Therefore, it is necessary to understand and accept that the amount of communication will not replace its quality - a keen interest in the child's hobbies, experiences, his successes and griefs, support both moral and material in endeavors, and sometimes an instructive indication of wrong, can fit in a few minutes, which the child will remember throughout the upcoming separation from his father.

That, in fact, probably, are all the main actions of the Pope, who over time will surely hear: "Dad, you are my best!"

Psychologist Svetlana Ripka.