2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The topic of forgiveness sooner or later arises in the life of every adult. We live: we act, enter into a relationship, realize our plans - and in this movement we find ourselves on one side or on the other side of situations where forgiveness is necessary.
We can be guilty of something and expect to be forgiven, or we can be victims who blame or want to forgive the offender. And whichever side we find ourselves on, the topic of forgiveness often becomes painful and complex, since it causes many strong experiences: pain, resentment, anger, bitterness, shame, anger, helplessness.
Asking for forgiveness and forgiving are serious personal challenges. Solving them, we have to admit the imperfection of this world and our own imperfection. To admit that the past cannot be changed, no one is immune from pain, justice does not always prevail, and being good is not a guarantee that nothing will happen to us.
But not fulfilling these tasks, denying your guilt, not forgiving and living with an eternal feeling of resentment means dooming yourself to taking a large amount of energy and strength from the present and spending it on the past. Unrecognized guilt, imperfect remorse, unforgiven resentment, a desire for revenge, endless attempts to figure out why this happened to us - all this corrodes the soul, makes it frozen and tired.
ASK FOR FORGIVENESS - WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
First of all, understand your guilt and admit it. Not abstract (“forgive me for everything”), vague and poorly understood (“if I am guilty of something, forgive me”), but quite real and tangible - “I am to blame for this”, “I know that I caused pain when I did this ….
Understanding what exactly we did, how much damage we caused, how bad it is to another from our actions, and regretting this is a serious act of self-awareness.
And while there is no honest admission of one's guilt, all words about forgiveness are just an attempt to remove the burden of unpleasant experiences from oneself, and not deep regret for the pain of another. Feel the difference between "I'm sorry that you feel bad" and "I find it hard to carry my burden of guilt."
Asking for forgiveness is a willingness to endure guilt, take responsibility for your actions, and a bitter understanding that you can be the source of someone's pain. This is the recognition of one's own imperfection and one's shadow sides, the determination to correct mistakes.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE?
Truly forgiving does not mean agreeing with what happened, trusting the abuser, rebuilding relationships, achieving justice, or receiving satisfaction. This does not mean betraying yourself or forgetting about what happened. This does not even mean answering the request for forgiveness (the one who caused the damage may never ask for forgiveness).
Forgiveness, as defined in the dictionaries, is an absolution of guilt and an exemption from punishment. And in this definition there is not a word about consent, restored justice, about "pretending that nothing happened." And only that I let go and release, that is, I actually cease to participate in what happened.
Forgiveness is when we say to ourselves: “Yes, it happened, and you can't change it. It caused me great harm and pain, but I decide to leave the past to the past. I give responsibility for what happened to the one who did it, and I take responsibility for how I will live with it."
Forgiveness is, according to the author of The First New Universe, Heidi Pribe, a decision to live with our scars. And a willingness to take care of the healing of my wounds, I add. Without denying their existence and not expecting that someone else will do it.
FORGIVENESS IS RELEASE
Truly asking for forgiveness and forgiving means taking responsibility: being the culprit for the act and the damage done; being the victim, for your own recovery and the decision to look forward instead of backward.
This path, from guilt to its recognition or from suffering to willingness to live on, is not easy, often painful and painful. It can be long. But this path is worth it. After all, guilt or suffering alone does not define our lives. It is determined by what we do with them, how we deal. And this is our freedom.
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