2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am such a child. Analyzing my experience, at one point I encountered a paradox: I was born into a caring, kind family, where my ability to love was fully manifested. I loved everything and everyone: flowers, trees, animals, home; learn, read, learn; old people and neighborhood kids.
I finished school feeling an acute self-loathing: dark green eyes, sparse "mouse-colored" hair, my name; felt hatred for being unpopular with other children; considered herself unworthy of a good profession; kept a secret conviction that intelligence and a kind heart are by-products of production in a society where success can be achieved only by being arrogant, deliberately noisy, thin-slender and, of course, beautifullly beautiful.
Today I am 27, and while working as a psychologist and helping other people unravel the tangles of their lives, I have to admit that the echoes of an imposed inferiority complex sometimes make themselves felt. While working as a teacher, I feel that the crippling role of the school that my parents, friends and many of my patients have gone through should be addressed and transformed into something uplifting, teaching children to interact with their emotions, rather than transforming youth into conflict-ridden moral disabilities.
Where do the legs of an inferiority complex come from? The very word "inferiority" hints that this complex can develop only in a society where the idea of "full value" or the semblance of an ideal is present. The competitive environment of schools and universities, where, through assessments and ratings, children are encouraged to compete with each other in narrowly focused, delimited disciplines (physical education, mathematics) is a classic example of a hotbed of the notorious complex.
A child whose mind has not matured to think systemically, i.e. taking into account the combined effect of culture and personal experience on the psyche of an individual, it brings the "carrot" of competition, which is handed out to the right and left at school, to other spheres of life. The growing man feels, especially as he enters adolescence, that in order to succeed in a society that encourages success, he needs to learn to be competitive in everything.
The body is reconstructed hormonally - and the desire for intimacy comes to the fore. Competition is making itself felt here as well. Culture and aggressive marketing succeed in displaying unattainable ideals. Have you ever wondered why advertisements mainly feature a slender, lean body? Why, this type of figure is the most difficult to achieve! By imposing on a person that he is inferior (and the younger a person is, the less it is “written” on him - the easier it is to inspire him), advertising instills in the individual a sense of imperfection and forces him to invest (parents') income in whistles “that he does not need; to impress the people he hates."
If you are a parent, and worry that you are giving your child everything you can, while watching his painfully worsening inferiority complex, stop blaming yourself! The current stage of evolution through which post-communist society is passing implies as the other side of the coin morbid individualism and the cornerstone of competition. The fear of disappointing parents and losing their comforting presence often accompanies the aforementioned complex. Children with a complex of imperfections are prone to melancholy and mood swings. They take refuge at home if they feel that the home is their rear. That at home they are unconditionally loved and expected.
Talk to your child about his feelings if you feel that he is ready for it. Be prepared to listen and not judge. Be prepared not to give advice! The fear of hearing advice about trying to speak out can turn a child away from talking frankly. Do we always share our experiences in order to hear a proposed solution - in other words, unsolicited advice? Every good psychotherapist knows that serving as a mirror is much more effective than a solution generator.
Your own awareness of the devastating consequences of the education system, and the subsequent discussion of them with your teenager, will help prevent the development of an unhealthy psyche in a person in the future.
Along with the simplification of life that the Internet has provided us, access to advertising has become easier, more powerful, and more extensive. Therefore, today, more than ever, psychological education (and psychological education of teachers as well) in schools is extremely necessary.
Lilia Cardenas, integral psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher
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