2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A person who experiences the once split off feelings from trauma is like a child.
These feelings emerge quite unexpectedly, when the transference is suddenly triggered, someone resembles a rapist from the past, and feelings just as suddenly rush out.
And these feelings are pain, helplessness, hope for protection, guilt with badness, and shame.
A person who has suddenly fallen into the once unbearable experiences split off is like a child, and the child needs an Adult.
The Adult will explain to the Child what happened to him, and this will help.
"You were attacked", "It was violence."
Attacks on integrity - physical, psychological, sexual - must be identified. Any attack, regardless of faces.
A child cannot do it himself, he needs an Adult for this.
… Once my client, feeling fear of me - so strong that she almost ran away from therapy, found the strength to tell about it.
Realizing that we are dealing with something long-standing, similar to an aggressive attack on her, I ask -
What can I do with her in her fantasies?
The woman (in her feelings is already a Child) talks about public exposure of her in terrible unworthiness, and she will have no opportunity to defend herself, hide, escape punishment.
I wonder if there were similar stories of exposure in her childhood, and she immediately remembers a school teacher who staged a sadistic showdown, having set other children on her, for a careless but completely innocent joke.
The trauma left its mark, and, apparently, my authority, similar to that of a teacher, becomes a trigger that triggers the mechanism of trauma.
At this very moment, it is very important that I, as an Adult, call things by their proper names: “It was violence, you did nothing to be subjected to such aggression. You were not bad, but you turned out to be a victim of a person who seemed to be not quite healthy."
An adult calls things by their proper names and returns their rights: “Nobody has the right to violate your boundaries. You can't do that to you."
An adult shows sympathy: “I'm sorry that all this happened to you, and you were left without protection. I sympathize that you had to go through all this”.
These three actions are necessary in order to provide support to someone who could not defend himself, and, in view of the suggested badness, was afraid to ask for help. These actions restore the victim's rights to dignity and protection, and compassion helps to empathize with himself.
Such an Adult from the outside becomes an inner Adult, defending integrity: "You can't just attack me, I will defend myself."
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