2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The average man says, "I want to be paired with a beautiful, intelligent, wise, spiritual, independent woman." After 5 minutes, he says: "A man should be in charge in a pair, be weaker than me, obey." I answer: "Man, go to your mother."
Such a split in the psyche of a man is dictated by an unconscious desire to grow up, having defeated his mother in an intrapsychic battle for his independent adult life. He wants on the internal battlefield to "kill the dragon" symbolically "kill his mother inside his psyche" and become free from her power over him. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship he has with his mother in reality. They can be both good and bad. But until the process of his psychic separation from her is completed, he will fight with any of his partners and compete with her for power, try to break her. And the stronger the man's intention to become an adult and separate from his mother, the stronger, independent, intelligent woman he will choose in order to break her as a result, to recoup her for all those losses of power and control over his life that happened in his relationship with his mother. … Precisely to recoup, since his pain and anger at his mother for her manipulations, power, control and intrusion into his personal space have not gone anywhere, they are "conserved" in his psyche and are looking for a way out. But since the fear of losing the mother is great, the guilt for showing anger towards her is endless, the dam that the man holds breaks into the relationship with the woman.
Those who choose to enter into a relationship with a strong, independent woman are more likely to grow up than those who choose an infantile addicted girl. There are simply no chances.
So, the male soul is looking for a way out of the "dungeon of maternal power", looking for healing from the "mom's virus", choosing a strong, smart, beautiful woman and trying to "box" her soul, and sometimes her body. Of course, she will leave, but rather will not allow a relationship with him at all and will choose loneliness, refusing to play an oriental woman, which a man will offer her.
Then he will go again to seek a new passion in order to "kill in a woman" his mother. And this is the endless path of suffering of the male soul.
But the trouble is that he needs to go to his mother and tell her that he is an adult already, set a framework for her, limit her influence on his life, both external and internal psychic life. Her manipulations and reproaches should no longer make him feel guilty. His mother needs to hear a clear no from him. Only then will it become safe for a woman. And if it is impossible to go through separation with a real mother for some reason, then a female psychotherapist can help here.
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