2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today I remembered this ironic parable.
The knight walked through the desert. On the way, he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly in the distance he saw a lake. The knight gathered all his strength and went to the water. But by the lake itself there was a three-headed dragon. The knight drew his sword and began to fight the monster. He fought for a day, fought the second. Two of the dragon's heads have already been chopped off. On the third day, the dragon fell exhausted. A knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet and hold the sword. And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked: - Knight, what did you want? - Drink water. - Well, I would have drank …
And it was not just that I remembered, only because she was with humor, but on occasion. This reason lies in the fact that there are often such situations in psychotherapy and psychological counseling when the client, after several sessions, completely forgets the purpose of his visit to the psychologist, forgets his request and his role in this process. Now I will not touch upon the equally interesting question of why the psychologist "allows" the client to do this. I am more interested in the client, his behavior, his reactions and his emotional state, because the client is the main figure in the client-psychologist pair. So, the client came, the work began, the request was formed, the tasks were being solved, the insights were happening. And suddenly … the client stopped in his work and switched completely to the personality of the psychologist, to his worldview, attitude to certain phenomena. Not only does this become the main interest of the client in the work, it also leads to confrontation with the psychologist. One to one, like the knight from the parable, with one small exception, the dragon was created by the client himself. Why does the client, like the knight, instead of using the services provided, fight and fall exhausted? And then he also declares that the psychologist is not like that, and the work is not the same and not so. And even his first achievements and changes made at the beginning of work are devalued. - You wanted to drink some water, my dear client! - Why don't you drink ?!
You could talk about borderlines, narcissism, and other widely popular definitions, concepts and names that are customary to give the client. To my disappointment, clients pick up these names and wear them like medals. But this is also another topic and I will not touch on it today.
A small digression. When I worked as a medical psychologist and, by the nature of my work, I encountered people suffering from various personality disorders: from neuroses, to depression and adaptation disorders, I excluded the entire clinical component, I did not even look at the medical record, what the doctor wrote and diagnosed there, I turned to first of all, to the personality of the patient, and in order to help him get rid of his sorrows - to his healthy part. A psychologist, in my deep conviction, should know the "clinic" well and be just as good at turning it off.
And now, too, no diagnoses! This behavior of the client is connected exclusively with fear, fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of those "dragons" that have become active in the client's unconscious, all this frightens the client very much, so much so that "fear of fear" arises, she begins to be afraid of the fears themselves, and to get rid of this, he switches to an external "dragon" so that his own ones fall asleep again and not be disturbed.
This is one of the reasons why it becomes ineffective for the client and why he makes claims to his psychologist.
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