Loss Of Naivety (Continuation Of The Series Of Articles About Monsters - Internal And External)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In previous articles, I talked about the reasons for the transformation of "princes" into "monsters" and why in some cases they are susceptible to disenchantment, and in others they are not. We talked about this using the example of two fairy tales: "Beauty and the Beast" and "Bluebeard".

Now you know that the first thing to do in a toxic relationship is to understand who you are dealing with. With a person who himself realizes his monstrosity and wants to get rid of it, "disenchanted", or with someone who is sure that everything is fine with him, that he is the dream of any woman and that you must adapt to him.

If you are dealing with the second option, then you will have to become a "wicked witch" for him, who will make him see his true reflection in the mirror - will make his monstrosity visible, first of all, to himself. Or, according to the script of the heroine of the fairy tale about Bluebeard, run away from him as soon as possible.

Let's go back to the fairy tale about Beauty and the Beast. There is such a character there - Gaston, who in her town is considered very

an enviable groom. The beauty receives many "tempting offers" for marriage from Gaston, but she rejects them "for some reason". Although he is rich, strong, handsome, successful - all girls want to marry him. Why isn't Beauty at all attracted to him?

Let's pay attention to this moment. The heroine lives with her father, her mother died a long time ago when she was still a little girl. Unlike other fairy tales (where the evil stepmother appears), her father did not marry again, he is raising his daughter alone. This means that she herself had to take on the role of mistress of the house, to take care of her father - she had to grow up very early. She has read many books, she reads constantly - not only beautiful, but also smart. She perfectly sees that Gaston does not need to be dealt with. It is useless to disenchant, heal.

At the same time, many girls who are stuck in toxic relationships make this very mistake. They are guided, first of all, by the outer gloss - when they are looking for a boyfriend, husband. It is important for them, he earns good money, can support a family, handsome, in good physical shape, with him it is not a shame to visit relatives, friends, go out - everyone will envy and admire. And the fact that he is proud and arrogant, constantly mocks her, does not put her interests, talents, hobbies into anything - that is, considers her just a background for herself, a loved one - she does not pay special attention. Like that naive girl from the fairy tale about Bluebeard, she says: his beard is not so blue. And she hopes that when they get married (or when the baby is born, when a couple more years pass …) - he will change thanks to her influence.

It seems to her that if she loves him and takes care of him, he will eventually appreciate her, appreciate and respect her, generally carry her in his arms and fulfill all desires. But time passes, and the miraculous transformation does not happen

Why? Because he himself does not consider it necessary to change. Everything suits him. He does not see his inner ugliness and his monstrosity. This is exactly the mistake a young naive girl makes when she marries Bluebeard. Unlike Belle, she lives with her mother, sisters and brothers. The father does not appear in this tale at all. Brothers, which is characteristic, appear only when she is in mortal danger; they do not take part in matchmaking at all. The heroine does not attach importance to the strange color of his beard, she is fascinated by his manners and beautiful courtship.

What is important is the younger sister. The older sisters also find themselves fascinated by Bluebeard's outer splendor, but he chooses the younger one. She is the most naive of all this female company.

Of course, it's not about age as such. There are many women who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s - and they are making the same mistake again. They again and again choose a man on the basis of external signs of prestige and well-being, being sure that any of his bad inclinations will disappear if they are kind and patient with him. This scenario can be repeated many times, like a stuck record - until the "girl" ceases to be naive to learn to see deeper than the outer mask.

So, these two tales can be excellent diagnostics for you. Look - what kind of relationship are you in? Should you invest in them, and if so, how? Or you'd better get out of them as soon as possible?

Perhaps you really have an "enchanted prince" in front of you. This may be the case if you got this man after a traumatic relationship, when he "got hit on the head" very much from the previous woman. He understands that "something is wrong" with him, that in past relationships he showed himself far from the best way, that something needs to be changed in himself. But at the same time, like that monster from a fairy tale, he does not quite believe that he is generally worthy of this transformation. It is also possible that he says to the woman: leave me alone! I am not worthy of you! I'd rather die alone! But at the same time, you feel that in fact he wants to be disenchanted, that he wants this healing from you. But you need to find an approach to it. And for this you yourself need to be a wise enough, adult woman.

The tale of Bluebeard is one of those about female initiation. It's about stopping being a naive girl and learning to see predators around you

One of the main delusions of a naive girl is that if you treat others kindly and with love, then any villain will turn into a handsome prince. But this is not the case with predators. At a certain stage of the relationship, it is important to set a tough condition for him, "turn him into a monster" - so that he sees his true face and understands that his time is limited. Only then can he truly transform from a monster into a handsome prince. If you do not have enough strength and experience for such tests, just leave this relationship, taking with you valuable experience on how to recognize the Predator.

Most importantly, remember: if you are stuck in a toxic relationship, you can and should get out of it. Do not hesitate to contact a psychologist if you notice signs of "toxicity" in your relationship. If you are tired of chronic fatigue, have lost faith in yourself, have forgotten about your true desires and too often feel like a "victim" - it's time to deal with internal and external "monsters". Continuing to wait and hope that it will "resolve itself" is a self-deception that will last forever.