How To Deal With Past Grudges

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When you build up resentment and resentment over time, the consequences can be very serious, both physically and emotionally. However, this can be dealt with.

Step one

Make a list of people who have hurt you.

Start from early childhood, then move on to school years, university, and so on until now. Opposite each person, describe the situation in which the offense was inflicted.

Step two

Analyze grievances.

There are acts in which real evil has been committed. Such actions are considered justified grievances, and the anger caused as a result of them is also justified. If the resentment arose as a result of a coincidence of circumstances, erroneous perception of situations, improper generalization, some personal preference or unjustified expectations, and even just fatigue - and sometimes a combination of all these factors. Such grievances are considered unfounded.

It is very important to be objective in your analysis. Look at the situation not only from the side of your feelings and emotions, but also with understanding to the other person. Perhaps he had reasons for doing so.

This way, you will be able to identify which of these grievances are valid and which are unfounded. Remember, no matter how long ago an injustice was committed against you, it is never too late to deal with unfounded grievances.

What is to deal with resentment?

Look at her with the present day in mind. You may have new knowledge about the situation, or experience that will add objectivity. You may ask yourself what useful and good things this offense has given you. The psychologist can explain something to you.

My personal experience shows that resentment reveals in me new resources, strength, energy. In case I draw any conclusion from the situation. Yes, at the moment when it happened it was unpleasant, and when I got over it, it gave me something new.

Step three

Give your offense to God, the Universe, Space, the offender himself, and thank for it.

We are responsible for how we treat other people. We can ask for forgiveness, but the consequences remain (in this case, the offense and what it entailed). Remember that we are also responsible for our reactions. Therefore, divide the grudge between yourself and the abuser. You have already been able to analyze your part in the previous paragraph.

Imagine the offender in front of you and mentally (you can out loud) say the following words to him:

“It was painful and unpleasant for me when you did this … I transfer to you the responsibility for your act and its consequences. Let God / Space / Universe figure out what to do with you. Let the situation be decided according to His supreme justice."

If you do not believe in the Higher Forces, then you can say the following text:

“It was painful and unpleasant for me when you did this … I give you responsibility for your act and its consequences. Let the law of cause-and-effect relations resolve this situation."

You can also meet with the abuser and tell him your feelings. True, in this case, it is important to understand that you are only giving feedback, and the interlocutor decides what to do with it. And also it is necessary to conduct a dialogue correctly.

Well, remember that we all make mistakes. Therefore, no one canceled forgiveness.