How Does Unexpressed Aggression Turn Into Anxiety?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How does aggression develop into anxiety? If you have at least some obsessive thoughts, most likely, this obsession arose as a reverse reaction to not expressing your aggression and suppressing it.

What is aggression? According to psychologists and psychotherapists, aggression is not always anger, it is a very broad concept that includes many aspects. This is the energy that allows you to want, understand your needs, fight for them, realize them, act, voice out loud what you like and what you don't like, etc. There are many options for displaying aggression, and if a person can achieve a lot, it means that he has everything in order with aggression (he directs it in the right direction).

What do you think happens to a person who does not express his desires and needs, does not achieve what is really important for him, what he really wants?

First, he gets into a state of frustration. As a rule, the situation occurs in childhood. For example, a child wanted candy, and his mother categorically replied that there was no money, as a result, the baby is frustrated ("Oh! I wanted candy!"), Gets offended, throws tantrums, and then realizes that all this is useless, and he becomes irritable, in some cases, anger at the whole world. Sometimes even adults have this anger towards the whole world as a reaction to the fact that their needs are not being met. The next stage is apathy and even depression. Depression is very often a sign of unexpressed aggression; a person does not fight for his desires and needs. What happens next? If a person suffers dissatisfaction with his needs and desires for a long time, then he already forgets what exactly he wanted. However, these desires do not disappear anywhere, they settle in the psyche, at the lowest level (under the unconscious). Moreover, a person begins to consciously or unconsciously think that he has no right to his desires - there is a "flip" into the negative zone ("I am bad!"). Accordingly, the ego clings, self-esteem.

With all this, a tough and rather strong Superego is formed. How does this process take place? One of the parents in childhood (mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather) severely limited the child in childhood, did not allow him to manifest, express himself, jump, jump, say what he wanted, show some kind of aggression (for this, as a rule, they condemned and criticized). But the Superego inside has not disappeared anywhere, conditionally it is an internalized object of attachment. And here dissonance arises - there is your id, which still wants pleasure, entertainment, joy, peace, security, warmth and love, although you no longer hear his voice (“I want, I want, I want!”), But presses from above A superego that says "You can't!" The first voice is getting quieter, but it still demands. At the same time, it is as if your “I” is caught between a rock and a hard place, and it is squeezed more and more.

At first, the fluctuations "I want - I can't, I want - I can't" have a strong amplitude, but over time it becomes smaller, so the psyche saves resources (we don't want to cope with the same task every time, the question - Maybe I should prove myself now? Should I say what I don’t like? And should I say that I don’t want to?). The psyche is aligned in a small amplitude, and aggression develops into anxiety, but fluctuations become constant, every minute, daily and can develop into obsession. You no longer remember whether you turned off the gas, closed the door, or did everything several times. These are the internal vibrations associated with aggression - Is it possible for me to do something or not? Did I have the right to do it or not? Should I do this or not? It’s like an eternal inner doubt, because you cannot express yourself, you cannot express your aggression, even in a healthy version. In other words, one part of the psyche says that it wants to rejoice, live, buy something for itself, get pleasure, love, but the second part says: “Who are you to have the right to do that ?! You don't have the right to do that! You mustn't want! " And it turns out such a picture - inside you decide to satisfy not your own needs, but the needs of your inner parent, in order to be a quiet boy or girl.

Here are some examples. The first will be more understandable from adulthood. You want to buy yourself something, say, a car. But this desire is associated with a huge number of restrictions - my grandmother kept repeating "Why is this necessary!" But you have desire, and you sit with all these thoughts about something that someone once said. Perhaps now you remember them as fears (you do not literally remember the words that were told to you, but remember the inspired feelings, fears - tomorrow there will be no money, you will break it, this is money down the drain, you will remain hungry, and indeed you do not deserve this pleasure others deserve). Try to imagine anything instead of a car - a good job, a cool man / woman, a pleasant and warm relationship, mutual love, something intangible. However, above, above your desire, there are many fears. Over time, beliefs have gone, you don't remember specific fears, but anxiety just remains ("I want to, but I can't! I don't know why I can't, but it's not for me!"). As a rule, people who are characterized by increased anxiety limit themselves in everything (I want delicious ice cream - you can't, you need to lose weight; I want a delicious hot dog to eat - you can't, you need to lose weight; I want to go for a walk - you can't, you have to work; I want to change jobs - you can't, stability is needed). And this happens with everything, no matter what it concerns, almost at every step - even on my own territory (I have to wash the dishes, I want to rest, but I can't, I need to clean up; I want to go to the cinema with my friends, but I can't, because I need to go to relatives). The "not allowed" appears all the time - and the less you are aware of the situation, the more you feel this situation as anxiety (and not as a separate desire and should not). You are simply anxious, you are between heaven and earth, you do not realize either your desires or the desires of your relatives, you do not have enough energy to fulfill someone else's desire. At the same time, there is a constant feeling that you do not live up to the ideal image that your relatives wanted to see - mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather.

The second situation is a more childish option. Many of us have faced the situation - a grandmother who loves to feed. So, my grandmother tried to feed all the time, cooked food all the time (like a pot that cooks everything and cooks porridge), but you have already had enough and you do not want anything. The grandmother does not understand the refusal, she is offended, struggles, she can be silent, not talk to you for weeks, swear, raise a scandal, punish you in some other way. As a result, a relationship is established between you - refusal of what I do not want equals guilt (my grandmother is offended, I am guilty, I am punished, then it hurts). Accordingly, when you are offered something in adulthood that you do not agree with, you cannot refuse, because the chain has formed. You just feel anxious that everything is not broken down into pieces.