2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Quite often people are quite unconsciously convinced that it is best to know. If I know everything, it means that my life will be "unraveled", but this is not at all the case, and real life situations "do not fit on the shelves." Such people often give up feelings, trying to rely on their knowledge, to control their lives ("I know what is needed this way and that, I have a feeling of complete control, which means that everything will turn out as I need it"). If we are talking about feelings, everything is ambiguous, "fluid", very smooth, there are many uncertainties and, accordingly, anxiety.
In general, it is impossible to experience the feelings of another person, to “feel his thoughts”. You should not completely exclude knowledge from your life, or, conversely, just feel everything and everyone around you. Here you need to realize an important point - people abandon their sensitivity and feelings in general because of the unbearable moments of experiencing these sensations (in particular, this applies to feelings of guilt, shame, fear, awareness of their wrongness). That is why this question often becomes important in disputes with loved ones whom we value - we are trying to prove something to each other instead of hearing what the interlocutor means and feeling him.
Understanding is based on sensitivity and empathy. In many situations, we are trying to prove our innocence precisely in order to protect our Ego ("I know! I am right! I am sure!"), But all this is done with one goal, deep in our minds - not to feel the most difficult experiences, fear, guilt, shame. If a person does not know how to differentiate these feelings, then this is just anxiety (“If I’m wrong, then everything that I knew in the past can be crossed out! All this is deception, and I will have to live somehow differently, learn to live anew … "). As a result, his ego is as if under threat if he admits that he is wrong somewhere.
So what to do? Try to choose a different model of behavior. There is no need to admit that you are wrong or, on the contrary, try to push through the truth - try to hear what exactly the interlocutor wants to convey to you, to understand why he thinks so. This will be enough. If you see that it is most important for a person to convey his idea to you, and he is not ready to hear you, say: “Okay, I understood you! Your opinion also has every right to exist! This concludes your dialogue, and don't push your idea forward! The more you try to push it, the more opposition you will receive in return. Newton's third law says that any force causes the same reaction force (and this works especially in psychology!). The need to feel righteous is the need to comfort your ego, improve your condition, but at the same time worsen the relationship.
To feel and understand another person, perhaps in some moments to treat him condescendingly, with good - all these are properties of a highly organized psyche. To begin with, you need to understand yourself very well and have a stable Ego that does not follow fear, shame or guilt (does not fall into the state of "Oh, God! If I admit, I am guilty in this whole situation, and I will be ashamed!"). As a rule, these processes are unconscious, and in the psyche at the moment of an argument they are experienced in the form of incredible anger (“No, I have to prove!”). Try to stop yourself, strengthen your Ego so that you do not have to prove something, and you can calmly react to someone else's opinion, different from yours, without crumpling inside. It is not necessary for everyone to have the same opinion! Conventionally, if another person believes that 2 * 2 = 5, this is his full right! People have the right to be unreasonable in some things, and there is no need to spoil relations with them, making it a disaster! A person who is not ready to hear the truth (even if you are right!) Will not allow you to pierce your armor, but your relationship will deteriorate significantly.
Cultivate your personality, grow a sufficiently holistic Ego, a confident, strong and fundamental identity so that you do not have a desire to prove anything to the interlocutor. By proving something, you first of all prove to yourself: “I am great! I'm alright! . But these inner feelings by default should be at the core of your consciousness.
What additional resources can you use? I offer you an advanced course "Apni self-assessment" with the support of the participants and my personal (live). The training is so powerful that it will allow you to strengthen the Ego, live in peace and enjoy the fact that you are a normal and decent person, and you will not need to start an argument with your interlocutor to prove something.
Recommended:
Criticize, It Will Feel Better
“The street writhes, tongueless, She has nothing to shout and talk with. " V.V. Mayakovsky There are such professions where a person does not need to say anything important out loud. Such, you know, silent ones, stand at the machine, grind out the details, well, perhaps you can express your displeasure aloud, both in print and "
How To Feel, If You Don't Feel It - 3 Tips
What to do if you know that there are feelings, that they are beautiful and pleasant, but you do not feel them, do not understand what they are inside. You can tell a lot about them, but there is no filling inside, there is no feeling. You can, of course, conclude that I am not sensitive / not sensitive and go on living with it.
Tell Us About The Problem And You Will Feel Better. An Exercise
Self-therapy sessions continue. Perhaps they, at least, will help a little those who are not yet ready to turn to a psychologist. I wrote about self-therapy in articles: How to overcome life deferred syndrome? Why is it beneficial for us not to change a life that we do not like?
Punishments Or Consequences For The Child - Which Is Better?
Parents often think about the question: should they punish children for their misdeeds and if they do, then how? And if you do not punish, he will grow up spoiled, without borders, he will sit on his neck … Are there any other ways to cope with the child's wrong behavior?
Bad Psychological Habits, Which Are Better To Get Rid Of
1. Make excuses. A very bad habit. By justifying ourselves in response to the violation of our borders, we allow them to break through further. For many, the excuse as protection is stitched almost at the DNA level. Especially among those who came out of a codependent family.
