Children And Parents In Quarantine. Psychologist Interview

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Recently I had an interesting conversation with the employees of the Project Office for Communications of the Compulsory Health Insurance System of the Ministry of Health of the Republic of Kazakhstan.

How children and parents feel in quarantine.

How adolescents adapt.

About distance learning.

We touched upon the topic of domestic violence and its consequences.

And also about useful literature for parents.

It turned out like this interview.

- Zhanna Aleksandrovna, recently, the Ministry of Health, together with the Republican Scientific Center for Mental Health, launched a special website for providing psychological assistance to the population during a pandemic. You are one of those specialists who provide this assistance. What problems are most often addressed to you today?

- About 90% of all calls are about difficult relationships between parents and adolescent children. Finding ourselves in the same space 24 hours 7 days a week, we suddenly began to notice what we had previously closed our eyes to, or we did not have enough time. It turned out that our children are not what we would like to see them, our "ideal" picture. Like us for them, perhaps … And now we are all in a situation of isolation, in a confined space, adults and children have nowhere to go from this - quarantine. In this situation, it is more likely that conflicts and quarrels will arise. Therefore, the support of specialists - psychotherapists, psychiatrists, psychologists - can be very helpful.

- The tension in families is really felt. During this month in the media there were several news about child abuse, physical violence for the purpose of education. What do you think of it?

- Physical education methods do not work. Unfortunately, not all parents realize this yet. We see frightening statistics on domestic violence against children. And the consequences of such cruelty carry a huge risk for the entire society. It is known that people who commit violence were themselves once victims, subjected to sexual or physical violence, and cruel treatment. Of course, not all childhood victims of such cruelty become criminals when they grow up. But there is a possibility that the negative "scenario" will be repeated, and the person will start raising his children as well, using force against them. Or he will choose for friendships and partnerships those who exert pressure or use physical violence against him. That is, he falls into the "trap" of the once suffered psychological trauma. That is why it is so important to provide timely assistance to people who have suffered from violence!

- Is it possible to suppress suicidal tendencies among adolescents? And can “pandemic hysteria” provoke an increase in suicides in Kazakhstan?

- It is too early to draw conclusions, some time should pass after the release from quarantine. But hopefully we will not see any significant changes in the statistics. However, parents should always, and especially now, be attentive to their children, talk to them, listen, kindly, without judgment or criticism, and maintain trust. If a teenager had suicidal thoughts or attempts before quarantine, I would recommend that you definitely contact a specialist - a psychotherapist, a clinical psychologist. There are serious illnesses when a teenager can make attempts to die, due to his painful condition. If suicidal tendencies first appear in a healthy adolescent without any pathology, it is necessary to understand the reasons that led to this. Perhaps this is due to difficulties in relationships with people very important to him - family members, friends, teachers. Or there are problems in the team. Bullying and bullying are common causes of suicide. And it's good when a child has a trusting relationship with his family! He can tell, somehow hint to his parents that he is bad. At the same time, the task of adults is not to dominate their child, but to help him as much as possible to cope with this situation, prompt, direct, support.

- Is it possible to cultivate this perseverance in healthy children? How to interest them in studies, which, due to known circumstances, are now being conducted remotely?

- The question here is how interesting the teaching material is. Today we are faced with a new situation, there is no experience of distance learning, virtual communication with children, and therefore the material can be "dry", not personalized. But it’s not easy for teachers too. Talk to the children, discuss what is happening. If these are younger students, it is very important for parents to give moral support. Jointly solve emerging difficulties, help with lessons. As for any additional loads in addition to studying, it is better to think about whether it is necessary to load the child now? Or give him the opportunity to play, read, communicate with friends and relatives on the phone, in Skype, spend time the way he wants? High school students, of course, can form their own daily routine.

- There are two more extremes here. On the one hand, there are children with excellent pupil syndrome who need to be in the spotlight. On the other hand, there are “closed” children who prefer to maintain a social distance from the outside world. How might the current situation affect them?

- Where do children with "excellent student's syndrome" come from? Nobody is born like that, the process of education has a great influence. Sometimes adults can completely unconsciously cultivate increased responsibility, striving for an ideal result. But now, in quarantine, it's time to think about it and lower the bar, the intensity of worries about studies and grades. After all, the emotional state of the child is much more important.

I recommend parents to study and play with children in the same mode as before quarantine, without demanding the impossible from themselves. If possible, ask for help from relatives; take a break for rest, try to take care of yourself too, keep a balance between stress and rest. Be sure to seek emotional support from loved ones when needed. Internet to help. Because the psychological state of adults is now the main resource for children and the family as a whole.

- Many people think that quarantine gave people the opportunity to stop and engage in self-education. Could you recommend literature and psychologists that can help parents improve parenting methods?

- You need to understand that the same literature can be perceived in different ways by people. But there are proven specialists from whom you can glean useful knowledge. This is Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?”, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish“Brothers and Sisters. How to help your children to live in harmony ", Donald Woods Winnicott" Little children and their mothers ", Francoise Dolto" On the side of the child ", Janusz Korczak" How to love a child ", Vladimir Levy" An unconventional child, or How to raise parents ", Irina Mlodik" School and how to survive in it. The view of a humanistic psychologist ", Lyudmila Petranovskaya" Secret support: attachment in the life of a child."

Now is the time to learn to provide each other with emotional support, to take care of each other. Time to learn to negotiate as partners, without criticism, pressure and authoritarianism towards each other. Show respect, gratitude, be honest, flexible.