I'M DONE

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How often are we praised? How often do we approve and praise ourselves? How many times in the last week have I / have been pleased with myself? And do we want to be praised? After all, I'm not doing anything special! I live, I care, I help, I believe, I listen, I respect, I am angry ……. What's special?

Often people come to me for consultation who find it very difficult to find, define, realize in themselves something that you can be proud of or just something for which you can praise yourself.

- "Yes, I can listen, I can support my life on my own, I can dress stylishly and cheaply."

- “Nothing special, many can do that,” the majority will say.

But only I can do the way I do !!!

We do not know how to praise ourselves.

“The worst thing is that in this way our personality is gradually bifurcated. One part is a little inept, anxious and constantly tense in fear of making a mistake and receiving condemnation and punishment.

The second part is a judgmental mentor who demands more and more and is never happy with the result.

It is very important to discover this one day and start changing.

Because the greater the split, the stronger this internal dialogue, the more projections on others, the farther from reality, the less joy, and the less noticeable the success.

Such a life is sad and resource-poor. All efforts are spent on serving this internal scenario.

SO

Learning to praise yourself from scratch, even for little things, is like a doctor's prescription, you just need to, and that's all, even if it seems stupid and the inner critic screams loudly about "there is nothing to praise for"

Notice your successes, even the smallest ones, every day, and mark them with a tick, reward yourself for them, creating a positive anchor. Like Pavlov's dog, train him to develop new reflexes for his own behavior and thinking, literally stimulate the construction of new neural connections. This takes time, understand it and relax, do not wait for instant results, just continue day after day.

To accustom yourself to one global philosophical thought - I am the only one at home! I have my own life and I live it every day. How do I do it? What am I doing for myself that makes my life start to please me?

It is very important to learn how to share responsibility. A person striving for praise often takes on all the burdens of the world, thinking that the more he can withstand, the more chances for a positive assessment.

Joy lies on a different plane. Where we take responsibility for OURSELVES, for our joy from our successes, for our pleasures, for our results. And there is always enough resource for this. Joy is always very close and very "cheap". "Dear joy" is where the victim is, by himself and by his resources beyond measure.

You cannot hate yourself. At the taboo level. Never, never. If, of course, you want to live.

Correct your mistakes - yes. To draw conclusions - of course. Developing your skills is great.

Loving yourself and respecting yourself is hard work, sometimes almost impossible (as it seems). But this is the most rewarding of all inner work. After all, every time there will be more joy and light)"

Co-authored with A. A. Shevtsova