Almost Fictional Stories. "Egorka"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

# Artistic and psychological history 2

Egorka

When Yegor was born, it so happened that his mother was not particularly happy about his birth. She was very beautiful in appearance, slender, with a perfectly "cut" figure. She herself knew about her extraordinary external data and in every possible way cherished and cherished them. Everything that could interfere with her beauty and violate her external cut, my mother eliminated as unnecessary. And everything that helped her to keep in shape - she used to the fullest.

Yegor did not really fit into my mother's plans at that time in her life. After all, her figure has undergone significant changes, she recovered and all sorts of other changes appeared in her body and her emotional state.

It was necessary to give oneself to the little man, to devote almost all of his time to him. And Yegor's mother did not want this at all. Mom loved to spend her time exclusively on herself.

And yet, my mother gave birth to Yegor, at the insistence of her husband. She gave in to him for additional, so to speak, beneficial to her "dividends" and emotional "buns".

Each family has its own unique nature of relationships. And bit by bit, a unique world is created, a mutual living space.

The father wanted and waited for Yegor, his son. He loved his wife very much and wanted a child. I saw in him a continuation, enrichment and strengthening of their relationship.

Therefore, he came up with a name for him, even before birth. Yegor, Yegorushka … Son. For him it sounded proudly, warmly, significant.

Mother didn't like the name initially. "Goryushko" was what she called the baby. It seems to be affectionate, but the meaning is rather complicated … But later it became clear to Yegor later.

And at first, like any kid, he loved mom and dad unconditionally. And the way he was called did not really matter. Only emotions conveyed to him the "signals" of the true attitude of adults towards him.

An emotional veil, woven of various feelings for him that he received from his parents, enveloped his maturing soul in a "cocoon". And the child took all this for granted, the naturalness of life.

Of course, Yegor did not think in such categories, he just loved his parents very much and was attached to them. Together they constituted the necessary integrity for his life and development.

Egor grew up a smart child beyond his years. Only now I often got sick. What it was connected with was outwardly incomprehensible. After all, the child had, as it might seem at first glance, everything for general and all-round development and growth.

Dad worked hard and tried to devote a lot of time to him, whenever possible. Mom didn’t work. But she set aside time for Yegor to a minimum. Only what was needed. Feed, dress, put on shoes, buy what you need …

Yegor did not receive emotional warmth from his mother. And I always felt a kind of cold detachment from her. It seems that my mother was there, but not with him …

From this, the baby had an unconscious feeling of loneliness, anxiety, which he tried to "suppress" thanks to his father and grandmother. The child, to some extent, compensated for the lack of maternal love by relations with other close and significant people to him.

Dad, of course, also had a mom. She had an interesting name - Barbara. When Yegor was born, she became his grandmother. Grandmother Varya was kind and caring to the baby, loved him, rejoiced at his birth. I read books to him, drew with him, baked all sorts of goodies, took him on walks to interesting places.

When Egor was 8 years old, his mother left them far, far … She "finally" met her love. She left her son to her father. Yes, it happens. My father did not mind, actually. He could not imagine his life without his Yegorka.

The divorce was a big emotional "blow" for the father. It was hard for him to lose his beloved … But morally, if possible, he was supported by his mother, Yegor's grandmother.

So they lived for some time. Egor and his dad. We often went to see grandmother Varya or she came to them.

And then a disaster struck … Grandma fell ill, she had a stroke. After which she became a completely different person. She could no longer serve herself, and her son had to take her to him.

So my grandmother began to live with them. Egor went to school, taught his lessons, helped his dad with the master's affairs.

And dad had enough to do … I had to work, look after my son and a sick mother. The father turned out to be a responsible person and did everything in his power to alleviate the difficult life situation in their family.

Grandma Vara was getting worse and worse. She began to show some new symptoms in her behavior, which had not happened before. She became angry, even aggressive, grumpy, nervous …

We went to the doctor, it turned out that she was diagnosed with psychiatric disorders. My grandmother got sick from stress and nervous overload of the psyche.

Yegor became afraid of her. She became unpredictable. She could suddenly rush at him and start yelling, insulting, sometimes she would grab something heavy that was at hand and could "throw" at him …

The security in the house was breached. The boy lived in anxiety, worried about the situation. When my father was at home, everything was more or less under control. And when he was absent … The threat to life and his psychological safety for Yegor manifested itself clearly.

Once Yegor called his mother, he turned to her for help, wanted support, but after listening to her mother said that she could not help. Maybe only on vacation he will take him for a week and take him to the sea.

Yegor began to wait for the holidays as a "miracle" … He missed his mother, wanted to see her, to admire her beauty. He was very tired of the tense domestic situation for him.

After some time, the grandmother, after another attack of hers, was taken to the hospital. We were admitted to the hospital for treatment and examination. There she was under surveillance. It became noticeably calmer at home.

One day my dad came home very sad and depressed. He received a call and was informed that his mother had died.

Yegor was sad after he heard this news. And at the same time, he acutely felt guilty for the fact that he had relief from the fact that his grandmother would no longer pester him with her painful condition and aggressive behavior.

It also became easier for my father, the burden of worries diminished. But the heart began to "play naughty" … For caring about others, he did not pay attention to his health at all. Emotional experiences accumulated and resulted in heart disease. "Psychosomatics" - his friend, whose wife was a professional psychotherapist, told him.

The bitterness of loss gradually passed. And life went on as usual …

Egor, having successfully graduated from school, entered the university with a major in economics. He always liked to study, besides there he made new acquaintances, interesting impressions.

In the future, life was seen quite rosy …

After graduating from the university, Yegor was hired to work in a prestigious firm. He showed great promise and was a promising employee. Energetic, perceptive, intelligent, responsible, hardworking.

Egor strove for career growth even beyond measure … He was very stubborn and purposeful. He wanted to show his parents, and especially his mother, with his successes in life, that he is a very significant person for them. I tried to get their attention at least in this way.

In his soul until now, although he was biologically no longer a child, there lived a little offended boy. Who needed the love, acceptance and approval of his parents. This "emotional wound" did not heal in the soul and periodically "bled" …

Yegor was praised at work, his merits were recognized, he became a fairly wealthy and independent financially young man. It was time to think about building and creating your own personal family life.

Remembering the traumatic relationship between his parents, Yegor was very careful about the choice of a life partner.

But one day he just took it and fell in love. I got acquainted with the girl, got carried away and … I was already ready to marry her legally, when the girl “suddenly” began to abruptly “disappear”, and then offered to remain friends.

Egor was very difficult to endure this parting … He completely went to work. But inner loneliness began to manifest itself more and more and with its tenacious, sticky "paws" it pressed down everything of value that was in his life.

Yegor began to have "depressive notes" in his mood. Apathy appeared, interests and desires faded. In the palette of life colors, dark, dull and pale shades have noticeably increased.

Interest in work also began to disappear … Something went wrong, there was a failure in his mental, value and semantic system.

The "inner worm" ate up his moral strength, energy, his soul faded …

Then Yegor fell ill. Some kind of illness of the soul and body incomprehensible to him. When everything in the body hurts, but inside there is emptiness and desert, there are no feelings and emotions at all.

Emotions are the source of life. They should not be interrupted, this is a conversation with the sensible world of a person. This is the power of life. And when they are not there, then everything around fades … And life gradually slows down …

Or there were periods that, on the contrary, Yegor had a feeling that everything was torn inside him into thousands of fragments, from experiences and emotional pain. At such moments in his life, he became especially vulnerable and susceptible to various life inconveniences. Which he added.

At work, his condition became noticeable. And he was made to understand ambiguously that they no longer need his services.

Egor went to his father "for recovery." He was already on a well-deserved pension and lived alone. Although not entirely true. He had a cat. Beautiful, affectionate and fluffy. She gave some special meaning to his, not particularly filled with joys and impressions, life.

After living with his father for some time, Yegor felt a deterioration in his physical condition. We went to the doctors. It turned out that he had an acquired disease. It was related to the psyche. Childhood traumas and once unreacted emotions were displaced into the subconscious, and in certain life situations the flywheel of "time mines" was launched.

Egor was diagnosed and prescribed medication. They even gave a disability group.

The young man was morally broken. Life was completely discolored for him. He is disabled. Nothing interesting and fascinating awaits him anymore … Suicidal thoughts appeared …

But the treatment, as well as the care of the father, had a certain effect. And Yegor began to lead an almost closed lifestyle. He was treated, rested, found a job on the Internet. And he worked to the best of his ability. In life, his father kept him. He felt sorry for him and did not want to give him additional pain.

So he lived for some time, jokingly calling himself a "vegetable" and almost resigned to the collapse of his hopes for a better quality life.

But Yegor was saved by Love! Yes, literally and figuratively.

Although Yegor led a rather reclusive lifestyle, the luxury of human communication was important for him too and had its own value …

On one of the forums, Yegor met a girl named Love. She really was from another country. But distance is not a hindrance to the Internet if people are interested in communicating with each other and they want to be emotionally close. At least virtually, distantly.

Love was a completely different person. She worked in the field of art. She was very emotional, impressionable, childishly sincere, and her soul sparkled with some special beauty and kindness, mercy and compassion. Yegor never met such people, except for his father.

And at first he could not believe that he could be interesting to such a beautiful girl in every sense for him. He considered happiness simply that she showed interest in him and was friends with him, shared his interests.

They were too different at first glance, but having united in the contact of communication they received a lot of additional impressions and emotions that enrich them. They just complemented each other.

The period came when their relationship grew from friendship to more emotionally close. They realized that they fell in love with each other. Although Yegor was afraid of another mental trauma, Lyubov managed to create a space of trusting and safe relations between them.

Then Yegor came to visit his Lyubavushka (as he sometimes called her). And then they finally realized that they wanted to unite and live together.

Soon it happened. Egor moved to another country. They merried. And after a while they had … twin boys! They were named - Svyatyk and Vladik.

Egor was able to quite easily adapt to a new place in society, despite the difference in cultures, continuing to work remotely. His life was filled with new semantic content, and his soul received a fresh vital impulse and energy.

Yes, an amazing thing happened with his illness. She somehow "hid" for many, many years. Egor was periodically observed by a psychotherapist. And the doctor noted that Yegor was in persistent and long-term remission.

Psychologically favorable living conditions, own motivation, mutual understanding with a loved one, and most importantly Love - saved and supported Yegor, helped him find a new full-fledged Life …