2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the first part, I talked about the causes of family quarrels. In the second part, I'll show you how you can deal with conflict in your family.
The very first thing that can be advised is to talk more with each other. At the same time, it is important to listen and hear. Learn to listen carefully to each other. The very fact of listening to each other attentively reduces the tension in the relationship. The best thing is to listen to your spouse first, and only then say something in response. At first, it is worth setting aside a separate time for such conversations, and not expressing everything to each other wherever possible. In the beginning, you can even come up with a special ritual for the family. After that, when such a conversation becomes the norm for a couple, you can resort to it as needed.
The most difficult thing is to speak at the moment of a quarrel. It is necessary not to go into mutual accusations, but to try to silently listen to those thoughts, feelings, emotions that your partner wants to convey to you. Try to “hear between the lines”. Sometimes people do not say directly what they have in mind. Ask, clarify, specify. This will give you a much better understanding of each other. And this will avoid many quarrels.
In addition to listening to each other, it is very important to show interest in each other. This interest should not be a formality. If you only pretend to be interested, then very quickly it will become clear. And a new conflict will arise - a conflict due to deception and hypocrisy.
It is very good at a joint dinner not only to eat food, but also to turn it into a ritual of dialogue. Ask each other about the successes of the past day, share the joy with each other. It is also worth talking about the problems that arise in everyone's life. Pay attention not only to the positive aspects of your partner, but also to his weaknesses, then you can support each other in difficult situations. This will allow you to get to know each other better, even after long years of marriage.
It can be useful to put yourself in the shoes of your partner when you want to quarrel. Look at the situation through his eyes. Think about what thoughts your spouse (or wife) has at this moment. Try to understand (or better yet, feel) each other's experiences. A lot is contained in our feelings, when they are excluded from attention, the most important thing is lost - emotional contact.
When sorting out the relationship, be able to admit your mistakes and mistakes. If you only try to prove your case, I neglect sanity, then this will undoubtedly lead to a strong split in the relationship. Once you've learned to hear and listen, learn to accept your mistakes and admit them. If it's your fault, admit it and apologize. Many fights can be prevented with a simple “Sorry”.
One of the hallmarks of a mature personality is the ability to go and reach a compromise. Of course, you can “before losing your pulse” look for arguments that you are right and blindly strive to win the conflict. But will it be beneficial for your relationship? Will this strengthen the family? Will it bring comfort and joy to your home? Probably not. Rather, destroy your relationship and marriage to the core. It is necessary to make concessions and reach a compromise. A solution that suits both, not just one, is the best option. Know when to stop, know how to stop at the right moment and take the first step towards finding a common solution that will allow you to reach a compromise. And this is not humiliation! It is a force that commands respect and allows your partner to learn the art of compromise from you.
When a couple cannot build a harmonious relationship, they usually seek psychological help. What needs to be achieved in family therapy? The most important thing in the process of family psychotherapy is to teach partners not only to speak the same language, but also to try to be honest, to directly express their feelings and thoughts in the process of interacting with a spouse.
If you still have questions about how to cope with quarrels in the family, you can ask me, and I am ready to answer them.
Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst.
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