2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
People come to a psychologist with difficulties. And in order to somehow help these difficulties to survive, psychologists support their clients. Of course, both relatives and friends can do this. But it turns out that in our culture, only a few know how to give support correctly.
The fact is that in our country it is customary to consider support as support that is not support at all.
In this article, I'll first talk about what does NOT help and how NOT to support. And in the second part - how to give support correctly.
What is NOT support
1. "Everything will be fine". Option: "everything will work out."
This is a promise. And the promise may not come true. Therefore, firstly, in the depths of their hearts, few people believe in it. Even if a person wants to agree and nods his head, the following dialogue goes on inside him:
- Everything will be fine!
“You can't predict the future, can you? Then how do you know?
And secondly, if the promise does not come true, and the person hoped that "everything will be fine," then he will face even deeper disappointment.
2. "Do not Cry". Options: "do not worry!", "Do not whine!".
The most common misconception. Imagine yourself in the place of the person to whom this is being said. Not only is it bad for a person. He (she) is now still invited to portray a beautiful picture. Suppress your feelings, pretend that everything is OK. As a rule, all the rest of the energy is then spent on maintaining the external image of a “successful person”. And in the soul, as cats scratched, and scratch.
People who are told this come to a consultation with the words:
- My loved ones do not understand me …
“They don't care about me.
- I do not want to burden loved ones with my problems.
That is, they feel lonely.
3. You are strong, you can handle it!
Another common promise. First, no one really believes in him, of course. Secondly, we turn to friends and relatives not when we want to be adults and strong, but when we want to be ourselves, not to portray anything. And thirdly, any strong person sometimes needs help.
4. "Get a hold of yourself". Options: “forget it!”, “Don’t worry!”, “Calm down!”.
Such pseudo-psychological advice is usually perceived as a desire to get rid of. Internally, people translate these phrases like this:
- Your worries are nonsense! These problems are not worth a damn!
5. Tips. "Do this", "you need to", etc.
A person in a difficult situation really wants to teach, give advice. But there are 2 problems:
• The advice is good for the giver, not the recipient.
• While your loved one is emotional, it is too early to give advice. First, we give time to sort out feelings - actions later.
These are all pseudo support options. They do not work. Perhaps, after that, the person will make a good face with a bad game. But emotions are not going anywhere. And if you regularly support yourself in these ways, you can drive problems deep into the depths.
How to give support
1. Show sympathy.
- I sympathize with you, I was in the same (similar) situation, I can imagine how difficult it is for you.
- I have never had this, but I see that it is not easy for you.
2. Show sympathy
- I like you (I love you, you are important to me, dear)
- You are my friend (I'm friends with you)
- You are a cool man (beautiful woman, wonderful mother, good father)
3. Approve the action
- I would have done the same if I were you
- You did everything right
4. Help express feelings (not suppress them)
- Anyone would be worried (angry, afraid, sad, shocked) in your place
- I see that you are sad (angry, afraid, you want to cry)
- Cry (poori, beat the mattress)
5. Offer help (make sure you need it first)
- How can I help?
- I can do for you …
- If you need help - contact me.
Important! Offer only what you are really willing to do.
These types of support are the most effective and efficient. Support your loved ones correctly!
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