2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Husband and wife at home. The phone rings, the husband picks up the receiver and, without saying a word, hangs up in half a minute.
The wife asks:
- Who was that?
- Yes, probably some guy from the Hydrometeorological Center made a wrong number. He asked: "Well, the sun, is the horizon clear?"
There are no ideal relationships, just as there are no ideal people. In any couple, conflicts arise sooner or later, and this is good, since any conflict is always an opportunity to move to a new level of relations, overcoming the crisis. One of the painful experiences that can happen is the moment when one of the partners begins to suspect the other of cheating. And it does not matter at all what signs contributed to the emergence of mistrust in the relationship, it is much more important how to act and what to do in the situation that has arisen.
The most common tactic for action is trying to establish the truth - was there a place for treason or not? Checks, attempts to hack accounts, print out phone calls, check messages on the phone, read correspondence - this is already an indicator that there is no more trust in a relationship, one of the most important components of the foundation of a relationship has cracked. And most importantly, what the newly-made Stirlitz forgets to think about is how he will dispose of the truth? Before taking any action at all, let me ask myself this question first of all!
And is the relationship good at all? Is there a desire to preserve them? Does this partner appear as a potential spouse? And if there are children already married, is there a desire to keep the family together? Is there love and warmth in relation to him / her? If so, then maybe it makes sense to focus your efforts on strengthening relations, on increasing warmth, trust in a couple, acceptance of a partner?
And if the relationship does not suit you - then what does it matter whether there was a betrayal or not? Cheating, even if it happened, is always a CONSEQUENCE of the crisis, any unmet needs of the partner, but in no way the cause of the conflict. You either immediately begin to resolve the reason (if you want to keep the couple), or you leave the relationship that does not suit you. This does not require a search for compromising evidence, for this it is not at all necessary to have proof of a lie, because the reason for the separation is your dissatisfaction, everything else is a consequence.
Treason is the culmination of a crisis, the culmination of a conflict. The trouble is that this very crisis can be very implicit, hidden, when outwardly everything is safe, orderly and peaceful, but at the same time the partner is in a bad relationship. This suggests that there was initially no trust in the couple, if a husband / wife, a girl or a young man cannot share their experiences, they build not a relationship, but a screen, a facade, giving all the colors and juices to the outer gloss, while behind the scenes - dissatisfaction, misunderstanding and alienation. Such a relationship is loneliness together, when one of the partners is in the illusion of family well-being and cannot (or rather, does not want to) see the problems and the impending explosion. And this illusion is carefully guarded and cherished, stubbornly refusing to honestly look at what is happening.
Inspection and control is destruction. Always. Wouldn't it be better to redirect your energy to creation: more warm words, more smiles, variety, distraction from everyday issues to the depth of relationships, support and participation, not only physical presence, but also emotional connection to a partner, a sincere desire to understand, what is in his soul. Responsibility for the relationship is divided in half, 50/50. You cannot pull the cart alone, but you can put in the effort on your part, put in all of your 50%, not 25%, not 30%, not 46%, but all 50.
Loyalty is not something that can be pulled by the ears, it is not something that is knocked out with a stick, it does not appear as a result of manipulation and threats. Fidelity is the free choice of a partner to solve internal problems in some other way, without resorting to "love on the side". For your part, you invest your 50 kopecks, and then you leave the partner the right to choose to dispose of the freedom provided. And trust is not a favor to a partner, it is a favor to oneself. After all, trusting is easier than living in attempts day and night to control another person.
Can a partner change? Maybe. Might want to leave? Maybe. Can love another (other)? Maybe. There are no guarantees in a relationship; the basis for them is the mutual, mutual, voluntary desire of two people to be together. And the guarantee of fidelity is comfort in a relationship.
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