Punishment

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Punishment.

The body does not wait, it is ready to accept you as you are, and you are ready to do with it what you are. A hard washcloth at the ready in the bathroom, short-cut nails, skin torn off with effort, piercings, tattoos, cuts, gluttony and drug addiction, celibacy and asceticism, and of course tough marathons in the gym. You are ready for anything to punish the body for not fulfilling your desires, for the fact that you could not say what you really want. This thin thread of anxiety stretches along the pattern of veins on your hand, hiding in itself a secret that you want to reach by holding the edge of a knife, anxiety rapidly melts under your gaze at another, it goes behind your back and tilts its head into sleep, takes it squeezes into your hands and squeezes, giving rise to incredible tension that does not pass, does not let go, anxiety makes you look in the direction of resolving tension, at people, at objects, at situations where you will try to get the long-awaited relief by rubbing yourself, itching breaks through the skin of neurodermatitis, breaks through the veils of secrecy, you scratch and scratch, scrape, polish yourself, rub, cut, pierce, flood and cut again, rub, butter, but do not caress, do not stroke, do not kiss, the body trembles and groans, the joint creaks, the back breaks, the stomach is full, the body speaks for you, screams, makes you confess, and you punish him for disobedience, because you did not allow him to tell the truth about himself, it should not be more important than yourself, sunlight beats in the eyebrow and in the eye, fists walked over your ribs, bang, bang, blow after blow, throw over yourself, hard tatami floor, a drop of sweat rolled down the spine, brushes stretched along the bar bar, poured into a cold sweat, the joints became numb, lost flexibility, deadly fatigue after hard work at work, desires are repressed and forgotten, they are just as dangerous as a fellow traveler in an unfamiliar country, anxiety is everywhere, a needle and a bottle cannot be mastered, there are no stop words and the picture does not disappear at the snap of a finger, here you melt, slowly, loudly and with anger, these gentle steps in the corridors of silence, this loud sigh, the laces tied hug each other in a memory knot, they intertwined keep you on the go, and you don't you know why you want something, although, a little sad and annoyed, you bite your nails, squeeze the phone in your hand, stare into the eyes of another, without stopping, without relaxing, with your eyes, mind, body, control and strength in one bottle of punishment, you want the body to fulfill your whim and bring you a feeling of grace, but it just whispers to you that you never said what exactly you want from it, what you need, what you are afraid to say out loud. When your strength is exhausted, you trust your body to another, you find it among the crowd and give yourself to it, he knows how to be in this situation, he has everything ready for you, immunity, rough gestures, rigid movements. Smooth line vision. Backhand, he will clap his hands, and you will freeze like a figure of speech, he will treat you like an interior item, which you will be at the moment, punishment will take the form of the routine life of the involuntary, whose sincere desire has been preserved and forgotten.

Until better times.