2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The world in which I live
Called a dream
Do you want me to take you with me, Do you want to share with you?"
In our society, there is a very widespread opinion / stereotype that a happy family must have children …
I will not dispute this statement. However, ample evidence suggests that sometimes family problems only worsen with the arrival of a child in the family. Up to divorce. And the motives of the problems are different.
Perhaps the child, in these cases, is a catalyst and "litmus test" of the quality of the relationship between mom and dad and helps to open, so to speak, their "family abscess" …
If the family does not have a child, then, as a rule, the mother suffers, although not a fact. The instinct of motherhood takes its toll and an unfulfilled need does not make you feel self-sufficient and generally happy …
I want to be a mother: to give, take care, protect, grow and develop, give a particle of my soul, my knowledge and skills … Yes, and an ambiguous social assessment can make itself felt …
And then a decision comes - to take a child from a children's institution to his family for upbringing, i.e. adopt or adopt. And thus, nevertheless, to fulfill their need for motherhood.
Solving this issue, one has to overcome multiple obstacles and difficulties, which only add to the desire to have a child … This is both paperwork and a difficult period of adaptation to the appearance of a baby in the family.
And now - the long-awaited moment comes! The child enters your home as a full member of the family.
Not immediately, but gradually, everyday life and a new real vision of the situation come …
After all, everything was seen and dreamed a little in the "pink color": a child, toys, worries, fun, fun …
In general - family idyll and harmony, as well as a lot of mutual love and joy.
It is difficult to write about this, but it happens that a child mainly brings the opposite into a calm and measured life: anxiety, tension, a change in the established way of life, excessive material and mental expenditures … And then what about all this?
Parents are just beginning to get to know their child closely and are learning to love him with all his individual characteristics and his unique originality …
A new feeling of love, nurtured in the soul, manifests itself in affection, intimacy and tenderness, a desire to protect and preserve, to give this child something of his own, uniquely personal …
And if you can't love and the child is mostly annoying ?!
Then there is a colossal tension and internal conflict … If love does not receive its development, then you only have to endure and accumulate irritation … And at the same time they often experience negative feelings towards the child.
In this situation, a lot of anger, rejection, harshness and even hatred appear in the parent-child relationship. It is as if they are taking revenge on the child for not living up to expectations, that he is not what his new parents wanted him to be … He just cannot become their family and their own …
Everyone suffers, and most of all, of course, the child himself …
After all, he still cannot fully stand up for himself and defend himself. He is not accepted in the family, psychologically rejected and personally suppressed. The child gradually loses confidence in the world and in himself, neurotic tendencies appear, psychosomatic manifestations are possible.
Parents, in fact, also find it extremely difficult emotionally. A psychological impasse is formed …
What can help the parents and the child in this situation?
I think it would be appropriate in this case - psychological education and counseling from a psychologist for parents, as well as art classes for a child.
It is unbearable to "cook" in this "cauldron" of doubts and painful experiences.
An objective and professional view is required. Psychological help and support in finding the right direction in building trusting and close relationships based on understanding, respect and acceptance of each other …
Learn to be constructive about emerging family frictions.
And then, nevertheless, despite the family difficulties, there is hope that it is possible to improve something and qualitatively change the relationship, making them more valuable and holistic …
I will give you love, I will teach you how to laugh
You will forget about sadness and pain …"
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