2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It so happens that a woman attracts the attention of men like a magnet, has fans who are ready to do a lot for her, is in a love relationship with several men at the same time, and with all this she often feels unhappy and lonely
On the one hand, if you treat the situation of parallel relations with an open mind, without condemnation, then you can see its advantages in it:
1. More bright emotions
What woman does not want to be the most beautiful, the most desirable in the eyes of a man?
Which one does not want to be dreamed of, admired her beauty, courted, trying to win her favor?
Which one doesn't want this to go on forever?
Alas, a real relationship with one man is not like "a holiday every day."
There is a lot in them, and often not so joyful …
But is this a reason to give up the desire to experience vivid emotions and impressions over and over again?
Love relationships with different men make it possible to realize this desire the fastest.
And the secret (or obvious) envy of girlfriends, the pleasure of resourcefulness in "combining" men, the feeling of their own exclusivity can be very pleasant.
2. Less anxiety about relationships
Remember the famous: "Men are like trams: one will leave, the other will come"?
Relationships with men are unpredictable. How can you predict what will come into their heads?
And a woman's heart is vulnerable.
You feel more confident and calmer if you know that you will not be left alone in any case.
Moreover, there is no such thing as an absolutely perfect man. They all have their drawbacks.
But everyone has their own dignity, too, special.
One is gentle and caring, the other is beautiful and passionate, the third is wealthy and generous …
It's a shame to give up everything else, choosing only one man.
3. Convenient and practical
The world is still "sharpened" for men.
With the declared equal social rights, a woman in practice has to make much more efforts to achieve the same thing that a man can achieve.
But why do everything by herself, when there are fans who are always ready to offer attention and care: give a ride where necessary, do “male work” around the house, arrange a romantic evening, present a nice gift, help in a career, support financially, etc. etc.?
And all this in exchange for the opportunity to be with a woman and enjoy her beauty.
Of course, it would be great if one and only beloved man could do it and did it for life, but …
As the saying goes: "There are few princes, and there are not enough of them for all."
And everything would be fine, but only … for some reason, "not good."
For some reason, there are times when a woman feels completely unhappy and lonely, not really needed by anyone.
When she secretly, alone with herself, dreams that if only she had met “the one”, she would have parted with all the other men without regret, she would have been the most loving wife and the most wonderful mother.
Why is this happening?
When clients turned to me for help with such incomprehensible experiences, we were able to find out in the course of work that their own fears could be the basis of their parallel relationships with several men.
1. Fear of rejection
In a relationship with a man, in addition to joy, there can be a lot of joyless things, including boredom, loss of brightness and novelty, loss of the feeling that a man needs, desired by him.
It is very difficult to go through all this and still remain in a monogamous relationship.
It is especially difficult if the experience already contains the traumatic experience of rejection by a significant man (for example, a father in childhood or the very first beloved man).
A decrease in the general "degree" of a relationship can be experienced as a loss of interest on the part of a man, as a rejection that once brought so much pain.
2. Fear of being abandoned
Relationships are always a risk.
Risk of loss.
The risk of experiencing the pain of losing them.
Especially when the relationship is far from going smoothly.
Parallel relationships make it possible to compensate for shortcomings in the basic relationship, avoid escalating tensions and thereby reduce the risk of their collapse.
You don’t need to face what exactly doesn’t suit your partner, you don’t need to talk to him about it, you don’t need to face his irritation, anger, resentment, the threat that he will eventually break off the relationship, leave.
I really want to avoid all this.
Because it's really scary to feel completely alone.
3. Fear of being deceived
Or, more precisely, the fear of trusting any man in principle.
"I was looking for love and did not find it, so I will look for gold!" - says the main character of the famous movie "Cruel Romance".
One's own pain from past disappointment (or childhood experience of observing the experience of this pain by women in the parental family) may underlie the cynical perception of relationships with men.
When personal relationships are more reminiscent of the "you to me - I to you" deal, it is difficult to talk about sincere intimacy and trust.
As a rule, these fears were poorly or not at all realized by my clients, but significantly influenced the way they themselves built their relationships with men:
The fear of rejection made me always tense.
You must always "be in shape", be bright and attractive.
And in fact - to always be perfect, without flaws.
That is, not by yourself.
The fear of being alone made it impossible to feel, realize and sincerely express to a partner irritation, anger, anger, which is natural to feel in any human relationship, not only in love.
Fear of trust prevented the establishment of a truly close, sincere relationship even with the most worthy man.
What mattered was only what he could give.
And most importantly, these fears prevented them from opening up more and being closer to the men they really needed to feel truly happy.
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