2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What happens to a woman when trauma ceases to have strong power over her? How does she look at things that previously seemed understandable? And most importantly, is she herself the same person or is she already completely unfamiliar?
One morning, on a typical rainy day, she woke up with strange thoughts in her head. She knew where they were from, but they were so strange and strange to her. She, who had lived all her life with different views on her behavior and her life, now only remembered that exactly 10 years of her independent work had passed with her traumas, such as rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice and humiliation. For 10 years I desperately read books on psychology, received a degree in psychology, took trainings and …
And one simple and ordinary morning, she felt:
1. As if some kind of oily black liquid is rolling down from her, as if something is coming off her, and she, without this liquid, is a completely unfamiliar person to her. That now, when the trauma began to have less and less power over her, she does not know herself, does not know how she will behave in any situation, what she will do, what reaction she will have. Now she does not know what she likes, how she actually eats (overeats or eats in moderation), whether she likes sports, etc. This is a very strange and new feeling, all her life she knew everything about how she would react, how he will behave, but now no … And what to do? The answer came by itself, to study myself new. It turns out that her whole life up to this point was dictated by nothing more than trauma. Each injury always corresponds to a certain behavior and a mask that the injured person puts on. And since now the force of trauma is not so great, it means she has a choice, it means that it is not the trauma that chooses the reaction in a particular situation, but she, now she MAKES A CHOICE.
2. Previously, she always put only her feelings and only her pain at the forefront. Now she began to have thoughts that another person could also be hurt by her words, emotions or actions. That if now she suddenly pours out all her childhood resentments on her mother, then her mother simply may not stand it. That the injury IS ONLY HER RESPONSIBILITY. That you can just go to the constellation and there already decide and tell your mother, whatever you want, work it out there, and not on a living and even more traumatized person. once ignored these outpourings of her, and even her herself, he came when it was convenient for him. A thought flashed through my head, why am I doing this at all, why am I trying to convey something to him and just like that? (these were the moments when the trauma did all this, not herself). Then the next thought, am I really young, beautiful and smart in a million-dollar world, I cannot find a man who will not ignore me, but will respect me and my needs. WHY DO I NEED A MAN WHO IS IGNORING ME? After all, a woman usually needs such a manifestation of a man just to work out the trauma of rejection. But if now the trauma does not have such power over her, then the need for such a man's behavior disappears.
3. For two years she was tormented by the obsessive state of getting married and having children, she did not understand where it came from (the trauma also worked, family and children, as a way to get away from internal problems) and did everything to marry this man to herself, but he certainly resisted … And now suddenly the question is in my head, is it TRUTH I WANT TO BE MARRIED? DO I WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN AND BECOME A MOTHER NOW? Is it as strong as it seemed to me before, and is it exactly what I need now? Sometimes the psyche comes up with many activities for us so that we do not start solving what we really need. Marriage and children are quite a successful way to escape from oneself and at least until the age of 18, although often for life. Women who married and gave birth to children from the inner urge of trauma, as a rule, then transmit this childhood trauma to their child and never live their lives and their needs. They put children, relatives, husbands at the forefront of their lives, which is manifested in the formulations: if only the children were doing well, the child is the meaning of my life, you need to help the parents not to divorce, the interests of the husband are above all. They never live their lives, they suffer, and the pain of unlived trauma and rejection of themselves and their interests over the years is buried so deep that it becomes more and more painful to decide to climb there. But everyone around a woman is happy only if she is happy with herself.
4. And these are only the first shoots of a healthy psyche that make their way through the trauma. And then the most interesting thing will begin - it is to RECOGNIZE YOURSELF AGAIN, to come to the one you really are. Not hidden by masks, but alive and real.
Then the question will arise, WHAT I REALLY WANT NOW.
It will be followed by the acquaintance of HER NEW with her surroundings, someone will accept an already familiar, but another person, and someone will not, and there will be nothing terrible in this for the new one …
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