2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
So, in an open existential group, we share our reflections
We express ourselves about feelings, sensations, pronouncing our attitude to someone or to something. How is this useful?
Here, for example, I wrote a post in the morning. I felt like a bug lying on my back and wiggling its paws, but couldn't get up. Lost a foothold. An unpleasant sensation, but what to do, you need to deal with it. And every comment was valuable to me. Some made it clear to me that it is not worth doing in the case when the other lies and squeaks. Many comments helped me to take a deeper look at my problem, and third statements gave me a different perspective.
Already in the very process of pronouncing, I began to distinguish my pitfalls, which I stumbled on again. I would have kept silent, maybe I hadn't noticed them. I would have stuck my anxiety with a cookie.
Since the purpose of the group - This transformation, then I ask the participants to interact as much as possible without evaluations, without advice and diagnoses. Speak mostly for yourself. “Looking at you, Sveta, I see my intelligence and fear of being wrong. I feel buried under the books of other people's opinions and now I am suffocating in this "or" Olya, listening to you, my willingness to endure for the sake of approval responds to me, no matter what, and it makes me angry. Thank you for showing that sacrifice is not always beautiful. " Then it's great to immerse yourself in these experiences.
About changing patterns of behavior. Here the participant likes someone in the group, it worries and an attack on the mastermind of strong feelings occurs. It is so unbearable to expect recognition from someone that it is better to knock a significant person down, to destroy, than to hear a refusal. And now the blow is struck. The mastermind puffs in frustration and looks sullenly, digesting his attitude to unexpected aggression. And the attacker comes to understand that there can be a different way to interact with the "loved ones"? And a different strategy of behavior is tried to taste. Maybe just confess sympathy, leave a chance for a reciprocal feeling? And do not even beat at the same time …
Here and now it is tried, if honest feelings were allowed to oneself in relation to another.
About assessments, advice, diagnoses, interpretations and other expert games in a group
Saying to another: “Yes, look, you’re all yellow” or “You are in green again, well, how long can you walk in this” does nothing to the speaker, except to maintain his crown of significance. Nothing. It's the same with advice. This crown usually interferes with relationships. It is clear that the group again wants to butt someone. Well, what's the point? Again the emphasis is on something else, not you. Again, someone untreated, stupid, crooked, oblique. Convenient, yes, but then again why work for someone else instead of getting something from the group yourself. That other will certainly appreciate the attack and work out his feelings. And you can ask your crown, what am I butting and trying to corner? What I don't want to see in myself? And why is everyone around me yellow ???
Pseudo-support
“I know, baby, how you feel. Itself was like that 30 years ago. But now everything is different. I became enlightened all over my head. Take heart, kid, you will succeed. " Again. Nothing has changed in the speaker. Self-assertion took place at the expense of another. The "I'm OK" mask is saved. It was not possible to work on my sorrows, because there was a "concern" for something else.
What is the meaning of the group. Listen to yourself and listen to others in order to understand what feelings are caused by this or that event, statement, the person as a whole. Only your attitude, personal, here and now makes sense. You can say nothing at all, at the same time get involved in the process and let the changes just be. Littering the airwaves with small talk doesn't mean being an active and productive participant. If what we are talking about is inanimate, then it is a waste of time. Resonance only evokes what is really important in the present tense.
About questions. The man said something. For example, “I find it unbearable to see these grandmothers every morning on the bench at the entrance. Their looks make me stupid. And sometimes it starts.
- What do you feel sorry for? Why did you stick to the old ladies?
Ask yourself, why are these questions? Why can't someone else speak out about the unbearable and need to be tolerant of the tactless questions of old women? What don't you talk about when you start raising your neighbor
1. It makes sense to talk about yourself in a group. Moreover, in the format: "I feel sadness … It annoys me … I am outraged that … I am afraid when …".
2. When tension arises, work is in progress. "Insensitive" remarks relieve tension. Therefore, every time you want to say something, check yourself: is it worth it. Do you feel something or is it talking from the mind.
3. Disconnect phones. We look inward. We look at people in a group. We listen to feelings and talk about them.
For example, “Lucy, your imposing posture irritates me very much. It feels like you feel like a mega-queen here, and I'm a pathetic worm. I want to come up and push you."
4. What did you come to the group with? It would be nice to define and voice your problem. Dive into it to find a solution, find the bottom, to push off with your feet and swim out.
If there is no request, then during the group there is a great temptation to fantasize about how to spend the weekend. Although here the responsibility is on you.
5. Here and now. It only makes sense to say something if it makes sense. We are talking about "living".
For example, you shouldn't talk in a group about how I experienced the death of my beloved dog, if at the same time I do not feel strong emotions at the moment. And it would be great to tell that I am still furious that a teenager showed me a fact when I was traveling in a taxi to the group.
6. Enhance sensations. If there is pain, then we direct our gaze into ourselves, into our solar plexus, plunging into feelings.
While I'm running out of fear, it controls me. I am a horse, and fear is a cab. Turning my whole body to pain, experiencing all the horror, I take responsibility for my feeling. I hug him, accept.
7. Do you want to say something? If the recognition is real, it will free you from burdensome emotions. If this is “just say,” then this is small talk that only takes up time.
You can demonstrate your intelligence in other places; in a group it makes sense to be a confused fool who is looking for a way out. The knowledge that we already have has led to a crisis that must be lived through. What's the point in holding on to your non-working truths?
8. You need to talk about what it seems impossible to talk about. It is so embarrassing, painful, indecent, ridiculous, scary that it seems unrealistic to say IT. This is exactly what it is worth talking about in the group. The rest is just chatter. I call this "devalue your suffering."
9. We try to avoid value judgments and you-messages. We are talking about ourselves
For example, "You are an arrogant, irresponsible goat who thinks only of yourself and put it on your family." And a more productive option for working on myself: “Looking at you, Vasya, I feel powerlessness, irritation and anger because I forbid myself carelessness, weakness and strive to be good, correct at the expense of my needs. I envy and feel bitterness."
10. Group work is good for its regularity. Emotional intelligence is as important a muscle in the body as everyone else. If you start work and then score, there is a chance to stay in the same frail state.
This is where self-acceptance takes place. The group is the mother, the circle is the womb. Therefore, it is so important to observe the integrity of the circle in the process of work. And it is important to regularly participate in the process until the problem (feelings associated with it) loses its significance - is accepted.
11. We are not in a group for advice, recommendations and parties. Here everyone is for himself and this honesty contains the energy of liberation.
Close, relatives, friends will take care and will not tell the truth, which can be very painful for you, but also very useful. It should be borne in mind that relatives and friends did not pay for participation in the group and are not obliged to follow these recommendations (to be extremely sincere and resistant to the honesty of others).
12. It makes no sense to think about how to maintain good relations with the members in the group. Be yourself
An overly diplomatic approach also interferes with sorting out relationships with others in life, leaving a lot of questions in limbo, creating a negative emotional background. If you are not accepted, it is their problem, not yours. Your task in the group is to accept yourself first, without regard for the approval of others.
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