2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What to do when your soul hurts?
Remember the characters from the cartoon "Three from Prostokvashino"? Matroskin feels good: he has a Burenka, a stove, and a farm. It is filled with everyday life in which it successfully realizes itself. And Sharik has no peace in his soul. Home itching. Give him a hunt, beautiful sneakers - in winter. Looking for himself.
This phenomenon has different names - a midlife crisis, a loss of the meaning of life, accompanied by anxiety about the future and guilt for the lost time of life.
And now people come to therapy, whose soul hurts from their social roles.
Symptoms of Mental Pain
- Rested (rested) on his career ceiling
In the 80s, 90s, a person received a profession - a civil engineer. Received a diploma. Works in a large organization. The salary is good, but it is enough to eat, have fun, get dressed. You can't buy an apartment, you can't build a house. And time goes by. It's scary to start a family. Living with parents, huddling, screaming, quarreling, etc. There is no chance of becoming a boss. There is nowhere to steal. And I want a beautiful life.
- Fear
She arrived in the capital, graduated from the university. I went to work as a secretary, then as an accountant. And so I have been working for fifteen years. I rent an apartment. Perhaps I will soon be out of work. Savings are few. What to do? I am a good employee, I do everything efficiently, well. The husband is a driver. I don't want to become a chief accountant. It's not mine to lead. And I'm afraid of responsibility.
- I want money
I want money, but I can’t, I don’t know how to make a lot of it. Obviously, you want a better life - to travel, dress fashionably, join the arts, to Paris, and not to Katsapetovka to rest. Give me a tool, teach me, show me, tell me. What should I do?
- Routine
Day after day - the same thing. People around. Job. Numbers. Debit, credit. Forty different financial statements is a minimum of creativity. I know by heart who has what fleas. Who will send what with what error. Day after day. Why am I here? On this planet? I love my husband and son. But why do I spend my life in reports? I calculated - in ten years I have spent 20,000 hours at work making reports. What for?
- Alien plan
Meeting of school graduates. For ten years I did not go to them and then I came. Arkady, oh my god! Bold. Thin as a splinter. This Jewish boy with a huge sandwich, full and curly. But he arrived in a Mercedes. Brought expensive alcohol. All dressed up with a needle. Dancing. He came up confidently and asked for a dance. I got a little fat after the birth of my two babies and my dress is not very good. Decent, but not new and not as cool as Tanya's. Well, everything is clear with her - her parents are entrepreneurs, and now they are completely rich. We danced and Arkady asks - who do you work, what do you do in life? And I am ashamed to admit that I am a housewife and have long been devoting myself only to children. My husband also lacks stars from the sky - I live a normal life.
I felt so ashamed that I apologized, said that I did not feel well, got up and left. She roared all the way. I thought I was such an excellent student. School, institute - with honors. But I got married, then the children and so I sit at home. But she could have become a better teacher. But they pay pennies there. My husband said that it was cheaper to stay at home, and I agreed. And now I think - in vain.
- Be successful
I lived with my beloved for three years together. She sawed me - not enough money. She studied in absentia. I didn't earn a lot of money, she took it and left me for a classmate. And I feel subhuman. Why am I a well-read, educated, intelligent, honest - she doesn't need me. In general, if I have exactly as much money as now and then, will anyone need me?
- Desires and goals are atrophied
I do not know who I am. What I want. Where am I going. Why do I live. I do everything that is required of me from day to day to function normally within society. But I don’t know why. I thought about leaving for Bali and living there. Rent or sell an apartment and live by the ocean. Meditation and yoga. Alcohol, sex, drugs. Blissful oblivion. Then that emptiness and meaninglessness, the mediocrity that surrounds me, will melt in the narcotic intoxication of freedom.
According to the laws of the printed genre, the psychologist begins to advise. Do it once, two three - and you will be happy. Unfortunately, the universal advice is similar to the rituals for removing spoilage, although the latter are more likely to be effective.
But let's think together what these stories have in common, and what is worth thinking about for those who saw themselves in them.
The first feature is the lack of perspective. There is no picture of the future
Why is there no picture? Fear that blocks fantasy, lack of experience. Man deprives himself of the right to choose and an even more obvious right to be himself. And to be yourself as he is.
Second. Pointlessness
There are two sides to this topic. The first, in fact, is the lack of meaning of our stay on the planet, imprinted on the forehead of a newborn and matured individual. Second, take the courage and find the most existential meanings of being here. Brutal and banal, and even noodles, as close to my heart as the conquest of Mars.
Third. No money left
I'm sorry, but I don't have a printing press. I can teach you how to earn more, but this is no longer therapy, but something else. We can consider with the client what role money plays in his life. Does money play a role in his life? It is possible that I and the client will have to face my own helplessness to raise money. Here comes the point where fantasies can crash against reality.
In conclusion -
The fairy tale film "Forrest Gump" shows how a mentally retarded person becomes a millionaire. His way of experiencing and living in the world allowed him to be content with what he is and to follow himself. It seems that his fear was atrophied. He did not cling to anything and he had nothing to lose. This is how he managed to acquire - classes, friends, love.
When clients in therapy ask me to resolve their drama of existence. All I can do most of the time is to be there. I can help you see not only drama, but also vaudeville, farce, comedy. Look for energy in the simple joys of life. And what is really sad for me, the book with recipes for happiness at the end of my studies was not given to me. Everyone will have to try alone. Not once or twice, but all my life.
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