2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Much has been said and written about the now popular concept of toxic people in the environment and the fight against them. Probably, only the lazy did not touch on this topic, and I will not be lazy and write.
A strange situation when you hear other people's complaints about life and see that a person does not want to do anything at all, except how to complain to others, occurs all the time. Only now, what to do with this stream of not very inspiring information about someone else's life, difficulties and sorrows, the person to whom it is poured?
Of course, everyone has difficulties or difficult situations in life and it is absolutely natural to seek support, understanding, and sometimes help from others. And of course, this is how the, so to speak, “quality” of the relationship with the person you are addressing is checked in this way.
But it also happens that people use others without any return, in other words, they parasitize on them. They complain about life, but they won't strike a finger on a finger to change something, they just use you to tamp down with negativity.
Some of the clearest signs of toxic people, for example, are the complaints-questions they use:
- "Why is everyone doing well, but nothing comes to me in my life?"
- "How do I deserve such a bad attitude towards me, if I do everything so well and correctly?"
- "How can I change the fact that someone criticizes or humiliates me all the time?"
You can go on listing for a long time, but this will not change the essence. If a person is constantly dissatisfied, constantly pours it out on you, then you need to do something about it.
After all, asking the above questions in response, for example, are:
- What do you do to ensure that something good appears in your life?
- Why do you put up with such a bad attitude? Why are you doing good and right in response to what is unpleasant to you?
- Why do you allow and do not suppress unpleasant criticism and humiliation? How do you defend yourself? What keeps you in this relationship?
Then the answers to them are likely to be illogical, if at all. Since your toxic interlocutor did not want to get a constructive view of his problems, he did not plan or take any action to change his situation. He just suffered for you, because he suffered, because he was used to it, because he poured a bucket of negativity on you and he felt better, and now you have to drag this bucket. You do not want? Then, remember that:
- Helping a person in need is a noble and good deed. And if a person did not get into trouble, but lives in it, with her and does not let her go even when trouble breaks out of him, and you interfere in this idyll with your help - this is not about virtue. If you want to give a helping hand, give it and the person who needs it will try to get out to you, and not pull you towards him.
- Allocate time for such communication exactly in the amount that you would be willing to spend on routine and, unfortunately, hopeless work. One could, of course, say: give up such a pastime altogether, but alas, very often it is associated with loved ones or relatives, leaving them completely, you will not get satisfaction. Therefore, not to run away from some responsibilities, but to sacrifice oneself is a thankless task.
- Don't let feelings of guilt overwhelm you. Naturally, the mind understands a lot, and it is much more difficult to cope with any emotions or feelings. Reassure yourself that in case a person with a toxic attitude really needs your help, then you will need strength and good mood for this, so take care of yourself!
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