2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the reasons for habitual self-hatred and contempt is self-talk as a defensive reaction against violence against oneself. If a child is shouted at, humiliated, offend him, he eventually feels powerless to defend himself, and agrees with all the shit that is being poured on him, just to be left behind: “Yes, I'm a schmuck, just leave me alone! " And having stipulated oneself a couple of times, a conditioned reflex is fixed: "To get peace, you have to agree to be shit." And then already on the knurled one. This is how the idea of oneself is formed.
Another way to protect yourself is to refuse responsibility for what you have done, that is, by learning to lie to yourself and others so that it simply does not hurt, for example, "this is not me," "it seemed to you," "you yourself are to blame for noticing this." or here's another interesting way, like the dream that a wizard will come and fix everything, or that everything bad will be reset at midnight, as if nothing had happened. In adulthood, this responsibility is shifted to the partner: "You must / must make me feel / feel like a good person", that is, you are now a magician and must behave well, that is, not notice all the bad things that I can do (for example, humiliate you) and admire every little thing, and still not ask me about any responsibility.
To protect ourselves, all methods are good, our nature believes so. We intuitively seek protection from pain, and we find, and like everything unconscious, it works automatically, providing us with a sufficient level of safety at some stage of life. At least until lying to oneself so strongly tears a person away from reality that he ceases to understand how to live and what to do.
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