Manipulation And Manipulators: How To Understand That You Are Being Controlled And Not Get Hooked?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It so happened that in this world there are a lot of people who have and with might and main use their ability to lead others. And the main thing here is to correctly and in a timely manner determine in whose interests they are acting - general, yours, or, perhaps, your own? In the latter case, we are talking about manipulation. You can act as a "blind" puppet who unconsciously helps someone to achieve their goal. And it's also good if this "dance to someone else's tune" and its result cannot harm you in any way.

What is manipulation?

Manipulation is a way of managing people based on the impact on their emotions, feelings, thinking. This act of influence is also called covert control. There are several types of it:

• conscious - the manipulator controls other people on purpose;
• unconscious - manipulation is carried out by a person at an unconscious level;
• passive - manipulators act covertly, gently, unobtrusively so that the object does not notice that he is under someone's influence;
• active - aggressive influence with bright elements of dictatorship, demonstration by the manipulator of his superiority over you.

Since active manipulators are immediately visible, below we will talk about those who choose passive ways to control us to benefit from this, how to recognize them in their environment and how to protect themselves. I note right away that the purpose of the article is not to intimidate the reader and arouse in him a chronic distrust of everyone around him.

The material has been prepared by me so that you have the opportunity to explore your other half with the utmost delicacy and safety, a business partner, work colleagues, a salesperson in a store, a bank employee who "sells" a credit card, and in general anyone with whom you enter into dialogue, unconsciously, intuitively feel discomfort.

How to recognize that someone is trying to manipulate you?

1. It happens that after the first meeting with a person you have a feeling of euphoria. It may well be a pleasant fall in love, but it may also be the result of the work of a good manipulator (a vivid example of this: marriage swindlers, pickupers, gigolos).
2. When you first meet, you begin to feel needed, significant, important to him or her. It is pleasantly relaxing, the feeling of distrust dulls or disappears altogether.
3. You "woke up" when you have already agreed to something, but you absolutely do not understand how it happened. It is quite possible that you said "yes" in response to something that, in fact, you did not plan and did not want to do.
4. For some reason, it seems to you that this person is overly attentive to you, caring, kind. You immediately want to open up to him, because you have finally found a listening and hearing interlocutor.
5. It seems to you that he reads your thoughts, speaks in your words, you have "one head for two", which finally erases the boundaries of distrust.
6. A person shows himself exactly from the side that you like in people. But now you no longer remember that quite recently you yourself mentioned this in a conversation or made it clear by indirect statements. Specially "trained" manipulators can first study your profile on the social network.
7. You are offered a product from the point of view of exactly those qualities that are important and necessary for you. How does a stranger know so much about you? For a talented and experienced sales manager, this is part of his job.

In the situations listed above, the motives of the actions of those whom we will designate as manipulators are different. And they are not always dangerous for you. There can be at least three main reasons:

• This person actually likes you, so he tries to adapt to you in order to please, gain trust and, possibly, heart.
• Throughout life, a person experiences self-doubt, therefore, in principle, he is accustomed to such a manner of communication (to please, to adjust), which helps him, at the very least, to assert himself.
• You represent a certain benefit for him, so he wants to please you, win over and get, in fact, what you need from you. His future life, work, career, financial situation may directly depend on your sympathy.

What is the easiest thing to manipulate?

Impacts occur at the level of feelings, emotions, physical and psychological states of the one who is being controlled. To do this, the manipulator needs to find your most vulnerable aspects of your personality and begin to actively work with them. Here's what we can talk about:

1. Feelings of guilt and shame. This is the most common topic for manipulation, which is built up in childhood. To avoid these unpleasant feelings, a person can go to great lengths.
2. The desire to be loved, needed, significant, unique. These needs are not always felt and realized - the desire for them may lie at an unconscious level.
3. The need for something (goals, desires, dreams) that you want to have in your life, that you desperately need.
4. Fears and phobias. One of the most favorite ways of manipulators of influence mechanisms. This can be the fear of loneliness, fear of being left without a livelihood, etc.
5. A pity. Tears (this privilege goes to more women), complaints about life, some negative events or people sometimes become a good trap for manipulation. Only a categorically callous person will be able to listen indifferently to someone who is feeling bad.
6. Past traumas, the echoes of which still "fade" in your life. Everyone has such an individual charged point - their own.
7. Silence. Another predominantly female trap. The more a person is silent, the more intrigues, makes the interlocutor nervous, who starts to do something (tries to talk, cheer, please with a gift, admits that he is wrong, etc.).
8. Ignoring. Lack of attention can greatly affect someone who is being manipulated. The trap works great for those who are afraid of losing the person for whom he became a puppet - he is ready to do anything to somehow change the "ignore" for mercy.

In accordance with the above list, we can conclude that each of us can become a victim of a manipulator. After all, there are practically no people who would not have cherished desires, fears, loved ones, any complexes or elementary problems with self-esteem (both underestimated and overestimated).

One way to check the manipulator

Feel free to give the suspected manipulator some topics that are supposedly important to you, and observe (and you will do this in a distracted manner from your real emotions and feelings) what the person will do with this information. For example, a feeling of guilt eats me up, or I'm afraid that my loved one will leave me. You can come up with something positive: "I love it when a man behaves like this to me …". When doing this, always keep in mind three possible reasons why a person might behave like a manipulator with you.

How to resist manipulators?

It is still possible to fight back the manipulator, but inside you feel uncertainty and confusion. You are confused, although a reasonable refusal is already ready to fly off the tongue. Below I will offer my own, proven effective course of action, which will help not to fall into the trap of a manipulator. And let everyone decide which one to choose.

Manipulators are selfish, dominant, controlling personalities. They are not at all necessary because they are bad, immoral, villains. They just grew up like that, they were brought up like that, so they don't know how to achieve their goal in another way. So do not take offense at them and despise them - they are what they are. In addition, it is thanks to these people that you can see where your weaknesses are and start working on it. I can advise you the following:

1. Pay attention to what happens to you when you are around such people. What do you feel? What state do you find yourself in? If possible, try to distance yourself from the identified manipulators.
2. Make a list of what is important to you. First of all, outline your boundaries for yourself in order to understand how far you are ready to go and how deeply you are ready to let this or that person into your soul.
3. Make a list of qualities that might help you when dealing with manipulators and work on developing / nurturing / improving these qualities. In the Internet age, you can find many practical techniques and specific techniques on how to do this.
4. List your positive qualities that you enjoy. Look at these positions as often as possible, enjoy yourself, appreciate yourself. It helps a lot with low self-esteem.
5. Make a list of how you would like and how you would not want to be treated. Tell people about it.
6. Keep a diary of achievements, write down all the existing and newly acquired dignities, victories, achievements and, in general, all the more or less positive moments in life.
7. Pay attention to the beauty in life, around you, to the positive as much as possible. Do what pleases you. After all, it is extremely difficult to manage a happy person.
8. Before agreeing with someone, think about whether this is your choice or someone imposed.

It is no coincidence that several items on the list at once are devoted to working on your self-esteem. After all, if it is normal, it minimizes the possibility of influencing you. During the elimination of failures in self-esteem (its overestimated or underestimated level), a very serious, deep work of a person on himself occurs, in the process of which past traumas are healed, fears are removed, self-confidence and self-confidence appear.

As a result, personal boundaries are being restored, beyond which it will be almost impossible for someone to penetrate without your desire and knowledge. This is the therapeutic approach that I follow in my practice. It is these techniques that have helped and are helping me in my life. Therapy can be both long-term and short-term. I choose the last path - I love it when positive transformations in my clients occur from the very first meeting.

Whether you stick to my proposed method of resisting the traps of manipulators, or choose a different path for yourself, depends only on you. And whatever your choice, it will be the best for you in the aspect of your present - here and now, at this stage of life.

Good luck in your endeavors!