About Constellation Healing For Autism

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"… And to those in the grave bestowed belly."

Easter troparion

One of the basic provisions of B. Hellinger's theory of the family system is that all members of the family system act out of love. The younger members of the genus as a system act out of love and devotion to the elders, and by their fate they try to compensate for the injustices committed in relation to the systemic older members of the genus. Often they are skewed in fate - a disease: asthma, autism, diabetes - trying to balance another skew.

One of the classic imbalances is the "skeleton in the closet" - a person, a member of the clan, which they are silent about, do not mention, try not to remember, as if he did not exist. Thus, this exiled member of the clan system is like a skeleton, but not a skeleton in a grave, which becomes earth and grass, but like a skeleton in a closet, is stored and does not allow the use of the closet (read - parts of your soul, your life), and you also need to be alive waste energy to close the cabinet doors, or look, they will swing open. The reasons for the silence are no longer known: whether this silenced person committed meanness, or injustice was committed in relation to him. The very fact of silence is unfair. I have seen this often in constellation work. One case is so vivid and indicative that I want to tell about it.

The mother of a seven-year-old girl Yulia, who had cerebral palsy and autism, came to my group for parents of special children. Because of cerebral palsy, Yulia found it difficult to walk, and because of autism, there was no incentive to master walking. For a child with cerebral palsy, the desire to contact the world is very important as a motive for learning movement. The desire for contact gives the child perseverance in overcoming himself - to strive, train, move. Autism undermines the soil for recovery.

The girl's mother, let's call her Natalya, told how Julia was not interested in anything, did not call her mother, did not want to move towards her, did not look into her eyes, speech was barely audible, and the girl did not seek to speak. According to Hellinger, an autistic person does not look at anyone because he is busy - he looks at an excluded member of the system and, with his attention, tries to restore that person's rights. This assumption, of course, occurred to me, but I put it aside, not getting attached, but not forgetting. We made an arrangement. The girl’s deputy looked with wide eyes at the unknown figure, a figure that none of the other members of the constellation noticed and did not want to look at. But the girl had attention and wakefulness, the desire to get closer. The position of the theory of the family system was confirmed. I invited my mother to look at this unknown person, to see and tell him “I see you” and to my daughter “I see him”. In response, the daughter's deputy was able to look at her mother.

The constellation ended, the member of the group left in inspiration and at the same time in thought about how to find out who the unknown is and how to tell about him. Here is Natalia's response (beginning omitted).

“… But the most interesting thing happened today. I told all this to my sister, and she says right off the bat that she knows who she is talking about. Before her death, our grandmother revealed a terrible secret to her, taking her word that she would not tell anyone. It turns out that my grandfather had a first wife and they had a disabled child, a girl. The girl died, her wife started having health problems, her grandfather divorced her, married our grandmother, and then everything was fine with them. And that, the first wife, soon died. Grandma knew about it all, but no one else! There is no memory of an innocent child. Here I am telling all of you, I will tell my relatives, we will know and remember now about that girl, she turns out to be our blood relative. And I'll tell my daughter, of course. (the author's spelling is preserved).

The response briefly says about restoring justice and remembering the first wife, but this is an essential moment, we talked about it with Natalia.

In the next lessons, I asked Yulia's mother, as a daughter, and it turned out that there is no autism (cerebral palsy, of course, has not gone anywhere), and moreover, my mother does not even remember that he was. "What autism?" - Natalya told me - “Julia is a very active girl. She calls me a lot, wants to learn to walk, speaks and speaks! We have never had autism."

I did not insist and resemble the first conversation. Natalya spoke sincerely, she completely forgot that the problem existed at all - and this is a strong sign of the most comprehensive healing. Therefore, I reverently kept silent.