Prevention Of Neuroses In Mothers And Babies. Maternal-infant Psychotherapy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

My speech at the Conference “Am I in the World? I'm in the family! was devoted to motherhood-infant therapy, as the prevention of neuroses in mother and child. Despite the fact that I am very passionate about this topic, I was aware that not everyone is interested in this area, since most psychologists prefer to work exclusively with adults. But during the performance, the hall was full, and I saw many interested eyes. After the performance, many came up to me and thanked me for an interesting and relevant performance.

But one letter, received later, made me not only return to my topic, but also prompted me to write this note. One of the listeners (I will not name the name) wrote to me: “Thank you. I really liked your performance, it penetrated to the depths of my soul (to tears)”. To be honest, at first I thought it was some kind of sarcastic joke, because the conference was designed for professional psychologists, and we discussed working moments - where to get such an intensity of feelings. But then I remembered that a little to the left of me, indeed, there was a girl with a very pitying expression on her face, and at some point it seemed to me that she was crying, while she did not take her eyes off me. I remembered other female faces as well - very interested, nodding, vividly responding to my words. And I also remembered some special notes in the voice of those who later thanked in the corridor.

So why did this topic evoke such a lively, almost personal response? Most likely, because every woman who gave birth to one degree or another has experienced something similar, which “could not” be admitted then, but which painfully responds now.

We are going through different crises in life, the birth of a child is one of such crises for parents and families. But the greatest difficulty of this situation lies in its ambivalence. Having a baby is a joyous positive event, and it is for most moms. At the same time, in addition to the expectations of the mother herself, there is also a certain picture, which is actively supported by the society in general and the woman's environment in particular: “this is a very joyful event that should cause positive feelings”, “this is a natural situation that all women cope with”, “good the mother does not pay attention to difficulties "and so on. Friends, acquaintances and relatives actively support these ideas." At the same time, a woman is faced with real difficulties, to which she needs at least to adapt, and as a maximum to cope in a short time. Of course, with a mature and conscious readiness for motherhood, a woman really copes quickly enough and adapts to a new situation. Meanwhile, it should be noted that not everyone has such a willingness today. In the first part of the conference, it was just said that in modern society the family traditions of preparing the younger generation for future parenting have been severely violated. Young people create families for the purpose of spending time together, having fun, while having a child requires maximum acceptance of responsibility, awareness of their own growing up, a clear distribution of family roles and powers. Lack of readiness for parenting and personal immaturity become the soil on which any difficulty, and even more so a series of difficulties and problems, can sprout with neuroses, and sometimes depression. In other words, the conflict between the expected beautiful image of a happy family with a child and a real picture filled with physical and emotional stress in the first months after the birth of the child becomes obvious on the one hand. On the other hand, it is poorly understood, since there is always some pressure from society, the environment and the internal attitudes of the woman herself - the birth of a child brings joy and cannot be accompanied by negative feelings. That is, there is an unspoken prohibition on negative experiences that a mother may experience.

If we also remember that during these months a woman finds herself in a kind of isolation, the rhythm of her life is subordinated to the regime and characteristics of the child, she has to deny herself in many ways, and the rhythm of her sleep is disturbed, then we will see all the conditions for the development of a neurotic state.

For me personally, like many perinatal psychologists, this situation is of particular concern due to the fact that at this moment the mother is in an inextricable connection - a dyad - with her child. That is, no matter what high moral principles a woman adheres to and no matter how carefully she hides her feelings, no matter how she tries to be a good mother, her experiences in one way or another will affect both the relationship with the child and his emotional background, provoking him now, child neurotic conditions, anxiety.

In these first months, through relationships with the mother and father, the baby receives a basic understanding of the world, its safety, reliability, and also learns a very important knowledge - about the value of oneself in this world. On this foundation, in the future, algorithms of behavior and response to a particular situation will be formed. It is like the basis that cannot be changed in the future. It will only be possible to correct, adjust, bring to some extent to the level of consciousness, but in critical situations a person will still unconsciously return to these very early experiences, and they will be able to influence his behavior throughout his life.

That is why it is so important to correct the situation even there, in the first weeks and months of a child's life. And for this, it is necessary at least to recognize the mother's right to negative experiences during this period, because it is these experiences that should be the reason for consulting a specialist. And the purpose of the specialist here is not to identify the mother's shortcomings and deep work with her personality, but to establish the cause of her emotional discomfort, to search for her strengths and resources, thanks to which adequate contact with the child can be restored and the satisfaction of both the child's emotional needs and the elimination of the emotional discomfort of the mother.

So what should mothers pay attention to in order to seek help in time?

- you become more irritable

- you have become more anxious, you have fears

- your mood began to change frequently from depression and tearfulness to nervousness and irritation

- you began to think worse of yourself, your self-esteem decreased

- you feel guilty

- apathy and depression have become your usual state

- you began to feel worse: frequent headaches, discomfort or pain in the heart area, tremors of the limbs, irregular heartbeat and breathing, muscle spasms, frequent colds, weakness.

All the more, you should get at least one consultation with a perinatal psychologist if:

- your pregnancy was difficult and with complications;

- you had a difficult labor or had a caesarean section

- you have experienced sad events the day before or during pregnancy

- you have had miscarriages or the loss of a child in previous pregnancies / childbirth

- you could not get pregnant for a long time and were worried about it

- once before you experienced depression or depression was in your loved ones (mother, father)

- this pregnancy was not planned, it came as a surprise to you

I would also like to note that neither a successful previous experience of motherhood, nor even psychological or pedagogical education can insure us against the crisis that may arise at the birth of a child. After all, this crisis arises not in connection with birth as such, but in connection with specific individual, exceptional, I would even say, factors that exist in this specific period of the birth of this specific child in this specific family for this specific woman.

But there is also an important positive point that I would like to end my article with: just a few consultations with a perinatal psychologist, in most cases, are able to correct the situation and, indeed, make it positive and joyful. Maternal-infant psychotherapy is a short-term therapy. Sometimes the very fact of recognizing the mother's right to negative emotions during this period significantly reduces stress and avoids the further development of neurosis.