Getting Closer To Your Child: 7 Rules For Parents Of Teenagers

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Being a parent of a teenager is not easy. But, dear parents, it is worth remembering that being a teenager is not easier. Judge for yourself: at home, at school, on courses, in the companies of peers, something is constantly being demanded from the child. He needs to learn to strike a delicate balance between being independent and being a member of a group (family, class, company of friends, etc.). I did not have time to survive the fireworks of my first love, as I already need to think about which university to enroll in and which profession to choose …

In a word, life is not easy for a teenager. Therefore, dear mothers and fathers, it is important for you, first of all, to maintain a close relationship with your child. He really needs your support, even if he himself does not admit it.

If you follow these Seven Rules to the end and honestly, then in 2-3 weeks you will notice how your relationship with your child will change. To change, of course, for the better.

Rule 1. Do not ask your child unnecessary questions

"Where have you been? And with whom? And how many do you already know? Are they normal people? Are they from your class? And who are their parents? What car do they drive? What floor do they live on? What color is the floor in their apartments? " Common situation? Many parents ask their children an endless number of questions. You probably think you are caring and worrying about your child this way? In fact, this is not the case. This manifests itself in excessive control and attempts to limit your child's personal time and space.

During such a "soulful conversation" the child feels like a suspect under interrogation. Do you really want your child to perceive your communication this way?

Rule 2. Never compare your child with other children

This rule should be followed by parents of children of all ages. It is comparing oneself to others that underlies low self-esteem and many other psychological problems. If you are comparing your child to another, think about why you are doing this? Even if he is not the first in class, does not run too fast and sings worse than Vanya from the next doorway, so what? Will this make you love him less? It is especially important for a teenage child to be accepted as he is! No comparisons or judgments.

“But my friend's daughter is playing the violin! And you can't even master the Dog Waltz! What do you think a child should feel if his mom or dad, in a not very veiled form, actually calls him a fool and a loser? How will he learn to respect and value himself, if even the closest people - parents - refuse to admit that he is worth something?

Also, think about this: if you are constantly comparing your child to other children, sooner or later he will figure out how to compare you with other parents. And rest assured, in this comparison, you will lose in the same way as your child loses to you in comparison with other children.

Rule 3. Refrain from sarcasm and disparaging statements about your child's opinions and beliefs

Even if your child, from your point of view, is frankly wrong, let him defend his point of view. Adolescence is a time of trial and error, a time of training before the start of the race called adulthood. It is important for him to learn to set aside his opinion, just as it is important to learn to admit that he was wrong. But a teenager must understand himself when he is wrong. If you push, the baby will break. Or get angry and harbor resentment. Don't expect positive results from pressure.

Understand this: when a child expresses his point of view, he tries himself in this way in the position of an adult. This is an important experience, don't deprive your child of this. If you laugh at him, for him it will mean that you, and in your face and the whole world, do not take him seriously. Be an older, wiser friend to your child, not a dictator.

Rule 4. Learn to listen to your child

A lot of problems could have been avoided if parents had stopped talking in time and started listening to their child. You should not constantly teach your children, make comments to them and ask them for details of their personal life (yes, your teenage child has a personal life). Children are ready to share their experiences, joys and problems with their parents, they just need to be given the opportunity to be heard.

Rule 5. Always provide support and assistance to your child when it is difficult for him.

One of the typical parenting mistakes is that they demand more responsibility and independence from their children when the children are not yet ready for this. "Since you could make yourself troubles yourself, then you can deal with it yourself!" Parents mistakenly believe that in this way they teach their children a lesson in adult life, they say, let him now deal with the problem himself, but next time he will think well before getting into trouble.

And the child will really think well, you can be sure … He will think and understand that it is pointless to turn to parents for help, which means that you will have to look for help somewhere else from other people. The further scenario of seeking help on the side and the consequences of this I leave to your imagination …

Rule 6. Respect your child's privacy

In adolescence, a child develops a personal life. I mean, not love adventures, but those affairs, secrets and hobbies that he may not share with you. And that's okay! It can be tough, but the sooner you accept it, the better.

Diaries, pages on social networks, desk drawers and cupboards - all this is your child's personal space, where he feels like a master. Respect this. Never get into his correspondence or SMS history, do not open his personal diary, even if you know where it is hidden. First, it seriously disrupts the formation of healthy psychological boundaries necessary for a fulfilling adult life. And secondly, as soon as your child “catches your hand” at least once, it will be very, very difficult for you to regain his trust.

Rule 7. Strike a balance between the rights and responsibilities of the adolescent

Another common parenting mistake can be described as “the child should”. The child must study, be obedient, clean the house, go shopping, look after the youngest children in the family, and so on. The child should certainly have responsibilities. However, they must be balanced with rights.

Take time with your child to sit down and together in a relaxed environment make two lists - one with the child's rights and the other with his responsibilities. And make sure to respect both of them! By the way, the same list can be made for each of the parents.