Motivation For Self-study. The Main Mistakes Of Parents Part 2

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In the first part of this article, we looked at the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. Some children successfully adapt to distance learning, while others feel confused and helpless.

Why is this happening? It is often adults themselves, in particular parents, who are to blame.

Of course, only you yourself can choose how to properly raise your child, but it is on this choice that he and your life depend. Not all parents realize what mistakes they make in the process of motivating their children. Now I would like to consider not everything, but the most relevant ones that I meet in my practice.

Undermining the authority of teachers. Under the age of 12-14, a significant adult and authority for a child is his teacher. Maintain respect for the teacher, even if you are not happy with something, in any case do not show your face. Talk to a teacher without a child. Agree that "Maria Ivanovna" knows best how to complete this or that task. Then the child will not have internal contradictions: how to solve the problem? As my mother said or as explained at school. In my opinion, some parents have changed the concept of "upbringing in the family" for the concept of "schooling". There are many problems with this. Parents, sending their children to school for training, are also waiting for upbringing, completely relieving themselves of responsibility. And if it is customary in the family to criticize, discuss, ridicule teachers, then in this case it is almost impossible to change or somehow influence the child's habits and behavior. If a child does not respect his teacher, he does not accept knowledge from him. What motivation to study can we talk about here?

Your child's underestimation of self-esteem, programming for failure. This happens when you tell your child that nothing good will come of him, that he will become a janitor if he does not study well. Your message that you don't believe in it! Comparison with other children is very dangerous, especially when you are talking to someone about your child. For example, by phone when meeting with a friend or neighbor. When she boasts about the successes of her daughter that she won the Olympics, to which you carelessly answer: "Oh, my dunce is only on the phone!"

At this moment, you publicly put an end to the success of your child. In this case, the child simply stops trying and gives up. Believe me, I'm not using words from textbooks now. Adults and successful people come to my consultations. But as soon as it comes to their childhood and parents, there are always resentment and "crodolives" tears from the memories of the fact that the parents did not believe in them. And it's good if the child chose the strategy of survival from the opposite / in spite of proving to the parents that I can do more. But more often than not, they agree with the labels of mediocrity, dumb, loser and live with them all their lives!

Excessive load of various activities and sections. Modern parents like to plan the schedule of their children as closely as possible so that they can spend their time with benefit every day. The child's psyche may not withstand such a load, so you will get a complete lack of interest in classes. The child will simply fizzle out and his dream will become: to do nothing! In fact, by engaging the child, in this way, parents free up their free time, they do not want to pay attention to him, get involved in his problems and questions, play, communicate, spend time together. It is very energy consuming for them. And I understand why this is happening. Parents do not want to return themselves to that moment in life, they still remember the time when they studied themselves and were under the oppression of their parents and teachers. After all, if you admit this, then by will, not by will, you begin to understand that your child lives according to the same scenario as they do. To see that in some moments we simply suppress him, when we do not hear his desire, but force him to study at a music school, for example. For seven years we have been forming hatred in the piano and he will not suit him in life. Following the lead of some social stereotypes “The child should be busy” we ruin his self-esteem and motivation for learning. I'm not even talking about the fact that parents send their children to those circles in which they have never been themselves. It is already a classic of the genre that parents are trying to fill the problems in their education in this way.

Objective assessment. Children who have been “over praised” or those who find everything easy are also not always motivated to study. Often these children avoid difficult new solutions because they are not used to losing or coping with difficulties. The child is comfortable when everything works out and it is difficult for him to cope with new, really difficult tasks.

Praise, but don't over-praise your child! It is a huge mistake of adults when evaluating work or grades at school, they exclaim: “You are my best! You are the best in the class! I agree that parental love is unconditional, but your child should understand that if someone draws better than him, then you need to devote more time to this subject. If he really counts faster than his friend Vovka, then you need to explain to him that this is a temporary phenomenon and his friend needs help and more time. In this case, the child develops a correct understanding of the difficulties. He understands that if something does not work out, he must work harder, and not cry and give up, and even more so not to ridicule someone.

But not everything is as bad and hopeless as it might seem. Perhaps one of you now recognized yourself, remembered that you did just that with your child. And it may seem to you that the situation is already hopeless. No, it is never too late to start changing yourself, and as a result of your child. It is important to learn only one thing, no lectures, moral reading, appeals to conscience do not help, only your own example and concrete actions help.

I want to offer only effective ways that will definitely work. I know that it is difficult to combine work, household chores and also control children's studies. Therefore, I suggest ways that will not take you much time and attention. The only condition is regularity, your own organization and avoidance of the above mistakes.

Organize your schedule.

Sounds loud and not always doable. But it is very important to draw up a study schedule. It is advisable to do this in written or printed form, in such a way that the child will understand. It would be great if you could get creative with this together with your child. Include school activities in the schedule, mark the time of attending sections, the time for completing school assignments and, of course, "goodies", that is, the time that the child can spend on himself. We began our conversation with the fact that distance learning gives the illusion of freedom and a child can simply get lost in the day. To play, to read, to stare. When he has a clear framework and your control, it helps him get used to being organized. Not yet self-organization. While at work, you can make a minute call and remind him that it is now class time. Thus, you let him know that you are far away, but you are with him. Then call less often, and for example, in the evening ask and see how he did what. And so, gradually, we pass from organization to self-organization.

Organize his leisure time.

Leave time for cartoons and games. If you are an opponent of the Internet and TV, let him draw, read, make crafts, walk in the yard, let him just do nothing. Consider the age of the child. To correctly understand how to fill his leisure time, it is necessary to understand what he is really interested in. Make a clear list of the activities that you would like to involve your child in. An excellent option is the so-called "trial sessions". The child could get an idea of things like dancing, sports, musical instruments, science, gardening. You will understand what exactly arouses the child's interest, which could be studied deeper. But I repeat that it is necessary to start from the interest of the child, and not from what you think. She loves animals? Does he love martial arts movies? Why? Try to find out as clearly as possible what the essence of a possible interest is. Do not criticize, ridicule, or compare to yourself as a child. Now is a different time, different interests, and almost no one wants to become an Cosmonaut.

I have everything, ready to answer your questions!