2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Recently we talked with a friend and touched upon a very interesting topic. We talked about the need to change something in life. Many have certain areas in which they would like to change, but for some reason they do not. A person wants something, does not get what he wants and suffers from it. He gets upset and hurts. You can understand such a person.
Our discussion was not from the point of view of desires and their realizations. We talked about why, having the tools to get what we want, for some reason we don't use them. Moreover, we pay money for these tools.
We don't really want to. Yes, with all the obvious facts of our strong desire, we have other motives, because of which "nothing happens to us."
Eric Berne describes the games that people play using three internal figures: adult, child, and parent. One of the games is similar to the situation we discussed with a friend.
It looks like this:
- We have a need that we address ourselves and the question arises: "What should I do"?
- Our inner adult finds ways "how he can achieve what he wants."
- Our inner child (it could also be some part of us) doesn't really want to go this way. He has his own reasons for this. What is he doing? He breaks discipline)))). Does not follow instructions and recommendations. In such cases, we often say: "I understand everything, but for some reason I do this", or "the most interesting thing is that I know all this and even advise others." Or we just listen, nod our heads, and the information received does not translate into active actions. In general, our child sabotages all intentions towards change.
Our inner child does this because he has a strong motive. And this motive is more powerful than the desire that is on the surface. What then does our child get? He suffers, while others "stroke" him. A person receives compassion, attention, understanding, possibly help.
What else? An opportunity to relieve oneself of responsibility, one's own incompetence and feelings of guilt. More about wine here. It is very difficult to bear it. After all, even a small thought, but flashes: "I do nothing," "I am too lazy to invest every day in my own changes." Such thoughts are unbearable, and it is easier for a person to push them onto something or someone.
I often hear people go to seminars, listen to lectures, but nothing helps. Well, of course it doesn’t help, and it won’t help. After all, just listening is grains thrown into the wrong soil. We need to act.
If you have the tools to fulfill your desire, or change the current life situation, and you do not use them, then look at what motivates you. In this case, I'm talking about the motivation of that inner part of you (your child, saboteur, laziness) that does not want change. Why is it really beneficial for you to live the way you live. Ask yourself the question: "What is important and valuable in the fact that this part of my life remains unchanged?"
It is advisable to form the question more specifically and listen to how the body responds, what thoughts come to mind. Your reaction is the answer to the question.
Explore yourself for the sake of your own changes for the better.
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