How Does A Man Feel Like A Man?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"In our culture, boys grow up under the oppression of the image of a Man - a person who must fulfill various social roles, meet certain expectations, participate in competitive struggle and feud with their rivals. No one teaches them to engage in an inner search and listen to the call of their own soul."

As I mentioned in the previous post, we no longer have rituals and great sages passing down the sacred knowledge of masculinity through the generations. The burden of transition must be borne by the fathers, but sad statistics show that many are either immature or absent altogether.

In an attempt to help their sons, mothers try to heap this function onto themselves, which ultimately distorts this process. Mom can acquaint the boy with the sensual side of things and give him the necessary care, but she will not be able to set him a vector of movement and give him the tools to realize his independence. That. the young man remains emotionally attached to his mother, which gives rise to either a guilt complex (then all motivation swirls around her avoidance and all actions become compensation), or infantilism (lack of initiative, apathy, fear of interacting with the world and defending oneself, craving for quick pleasures and susceptibility to unrealistic fantasies).

A sad picture, isn't it? 😞

So how can a modern youth make the transition from the state of a dependent boy to the state of a responsible strong-willed man? And, in fact, for the sake of what to do it?

Well, let's start with the bad - you will have to go through this path alone, i.e. the young man will have to initiate himself, without clear guidelines. This is the challenge of our time.

And the good news is that the world around us is full of different riches, for the sake of which it is worth taking this path. The satisfaction of movement and achievement will form personal meaning. Everyone will have his own. A mental generator in your chest that warms you and others, thanks to which no obstacle will resist your decisive pressure.

The path is full of doubts and fears. However, as brave wars said, "fear is the harbinger of my greatness."

The first step that must be taken is separation from parents (more often from mothers). It is not so much territorial as emotional separation that is important here. This step coincides with the first point of the initiation ritual that I described in the previous post. Transformations are impossible without this step. If the responsibility for your well-being and material autonomy will be delegated to your parents, there can be no question of any personal power.

A collision with realities will provoke growth and closely acquaint with the outside world. And you also have to get to know the people around you and learn to build relationships with them.

The next step is work, creative work. It is she who helps to temper character, overcome difficulties, hone skills. The important thing here is not to treat work as hard labor, but to let it immerse you in the process of "doing". This will pump your inner volitional muscle, which is responsible for overcoming. It is she who will create a fulcrum called "I can".

Over time, work will begin to form a new identity, which will gradually begin to characterize you and outline new goals that push and give meaning. An important nuance is not to sit and wait for the moment when you want to do something (most likely it will not come), but just take it and do it. Whether it is a suitable activity or not, you will begin to understand the process. Over time, you will be able to switch to something that truly reflects your aspirations and values.

Not fantasies, but an understandable structure - these are the tracks along which our homemade carriage will move towards the world. How do you create this structure? Try to start with the closest and most tangible reality you are in:

1) Put things in order in your room and workplace, your thoughts and attention will immediately stop blurring;

2) Lie down and wake up at the same time, establish a sleep and wakefulness regime, because it is directly related to the production of serotonin, which allows you to think, work and live consciously and energetically. Lack of it leads to apathy, low mood and depression. It doesn't matter what time it will be, the main thing is to adhere to this schedule and sleep enough to fully recuperate;

3) Take a look at how your schedule works and where your time is allocated, realizing that your whole life consists of these seemingly insignificant building blocks. Revise and rebuild it for your actual tasks. If you do not know how to prioritize, each time ask yourself the sacred question "Does this choice make me bigger or smaller?";

At least these 3 points will already significantly improve your connection with yourself. Do not fly away into an imaginary grandeur, take this path in small but regular steps. Trust me, it works.

Also, a very important step will be to form your supportive male environment. Take their knowledge and experience from more mature men, but at the same time build their attitude to the world. Sport, teamwork or just communication - it doesn't matter, the main thing is presence. Not moralizing and mentoring, but an open, respectful exchange. And no, not bosom friends ala "playing telkitusovki". Saturation will occur precisely when relying on initiated men. How can you tell them apart? Inspiration, curiosity and the ability to lean, "a sense of the shoulder" when being next to them will serve as a marker.

Through all this, you will begin to touch and transform the world around you, improving and saturating it. Your identity will be born in action. This is very close in meaning to the goals that our ancestors pursued - to raise and prepare a worthy representative of society, who at the same time feels fulfilled, strong and happy, a capable man.