2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Give and take
The rules of "give and take" are prescribed to us by our conscience. It serves to give and take balance and exchange in our relationships.
As soon as we take or receive something from someone, we feel obligated to give something in return, and at the same time give something of equal value. This means: we feel indebted to him until we give him something appropriate and thereby pay off the debt. After that, we feel ourselves in relation to him again innocent and free.
This conscience does not leave us alone until we establish a balance. We feel all movements of conscience as guilt and innocence, no matter what area we are talking about. Here I will confine myself to the areas of give and take.
Give and take with love
If someone gives me something and I balance it out, for example by paying full price for it, the relationship ends. Both follow their own path again.
If I pay too little for it, the relationship continues. On the one hand, because I feel indebted to him. On the other hand, because he expects something else from me. It is only when I fully balance the situation that we become free from each other.
This is not the case with loving people. Besides the need for balance, love comes into play here. This means: as soon as I receive something from the one I love, I give him back more than even the equivalent or equal. This makes the other feel indebted to me again. But because he loves me, he again gives me more than is necessary for balance.
Thus, between loving people there is a growing exchange of "give and take" and, in particular, the depth of their relationship.
Give and Take Riots
One mess I just named: I give less than I take. The same is the opposite, if I give another more than he can or wants to give in return.
Many, covering the other with their love with their heads, consider this to be a special manifestation of it. For example, when they try to give him more than he can bear. Thus, they unbalance the balance of their own relationships. It becomes difficult for another to restore equality again.
And what is the result? The one who was given a measure from above will leave the relationship.
Deviations from the measure have the opposite effect than the giver expects. In a relationship, couples where one gives more than takes are doomed to fail.
And the same is when one takes more than he is ready or can give. For example, if he is physically disabled.
In any case, and here there is compensation if the physically disabled partner admits that he should take more than he can give in return, and instead of making claims, thanks the other from the bottom of his heart.
Gratitude also serves to balance.
Pass on to balance
We cannot always balance the situation by giving the other something equivalent in return. Who can give something equal to their parents? Or a teacher who has helped him for many years? We feel indebted to them all our lives.
Many want to shirk the burden of this debt by avoiding accepting anything else from them. They become poorer because the burden of this sense of duty becomes too heavy for them. They give up life, instead of living and taking everything from life. There is an easy way to restore balance in a wonderful filling way.
Instead of returning something, we pass it on to others. First of all, to their own children, and in many other ways in the service of life. At the same time, everyone feels good: both those who take and those who give.
Restoring balance in the negative
We feel the need to restore balance in the same way, and sometimes even more when others have done us something. Then we also want to do something for them: "tooth for tooth, eye for eye."
Both sides await this balancing act in a special way. Not only the victim who has been harmed, but also those who have harmed her by becoming guilty before her.
The victim wants revenge. The offender wants to get rid of his guilt, trying to make amends. What is really going on? Do they reach equilibrium? Or does the victim tend to do more harm to the perpetrator? What are the implications here?
The perpetrator feels it has gone too far. So he seeks balance on his part, this time as a victim. To counterbalance this, he harms the other one more time. And there is more here than was required for balance.
Thus, the restoration of balance in the negative is growing. Instead of loving each other, they become enemies. I will dwell on the premises of this special behavior later. I'll show you the solution first.
Revenge with love
The need to restore balance in a negative situation is irresistible. We are forced to succumb to it. And if we try to suppress that need and overcome it with noble humility, such as forgiving him, we risk the relationship.
The other, through forgiveness, moves from equal relations to behavior from submission to domination. The result is similar to a situation where one covers the other with love with his head, giving him more love than he can give in return.
True forgiveness works only if it is mutual. For example, when both no longer return to the past, even in thoughts. Then he is allowed to leave forever.
The easiest way to get out of the vicious circle of more and more suffering to each other is when one causes the other a little less pain, instead of causing the same or even more.
This means: he also avenges himself, but with love. Another is surprised. Both look at each other and remember their former love. Their eyes start to glow, and the restoration of the “take and give” balance begins safely from the beginning.
In any case, both became more careful and attentive to each other. As a result of this balance, their love became even deeper.
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