Is Suffering A Way Of Life?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-31 14:10

From today's consultation:

- I even feel ashamed that I do not suffer. During pregnancies there was no toxicosis - I often hear: "Is this a pregnancy without toxicosis?"

- Gave birth - it didn't hurt. I tell my friends - the reaction is: "Well, then you don't know what it is to give birth!"

- I bought a robot vacuum cleaner - my mother comments: "Yes, it’s convenient…. You don’t have to crawl and clean up on your knees. Of course, it’s easier to press a button…"

Needless to say, there is a reproach in these words?

Society, those around it, seem to demand that a person suffer, moreover, a person of any gender and age.

Now I will talk mainly about the suffering of women. Moreover, not about suffering introduced from the outside, but about suffering as a way of life. Moreover, such a life is considered the only correct, worthy one.

So, suffering as a way of life - but chosen almost unconsciously, assimilated without critical thinking.

Labor must be exhaustingly hard, at least not loved. This is the only way to get money - then they" title="Image" />

Society, those around it, seem to demand that a person suffer, moreover, a person of any gender and age.

Now I will talk mainly about the suffering of women. Moreover, not about suffering introduced from the outside, but about suffering as a way of life. Moreover, such a life is considered the only correct, worthy one.

So, suffering as a way of life - but chosen almost unconsciously, assimilated without critical thinking.

Labor must be exhaustingly hard, at least not loved. This is the only way to get money - then they

The "Nautilus" has a wonderful song "Consolidation".

"Here the measure of work is considered Fatigue …"

Not a process, not a result, not even earnings. Fatigue is the measure of work.

Everything is correct. By the way, this is one of the points of misunderstanding, differences in views between generations.

Familiar rebuke from parents:

“What’s your job?” an unloved, painful, exhausting process."

If a woman loves her job, is passionate about her, if she succeeds, she runs the risk of being branded as a "careerist", "bad housewife", "not a real" woman.

The same goes for homework. How can you make it simple?

I know of examples when a woman refused to wash bedding in the washing machine, and persistently washed it with her hands in the bathroom, arguing that it would be cleaner this way.

In fact, it is rather a dynamic stereotype that works here - it makes it easier to feel the process itself and feel fatigue.

So, hard and unloved work

And to her - necessarily difficulties in his personal life. A husband who will offend, perhaps fight. A husband who is cheating. Drinking husband. And all this will last for a long time - sometimes for a lifetime, simply because:

- everyone lives like this, - life - it is striped, - all the men … you know who, - well, and of course: "He beats - it means he loves."

It comes to the point that a woman who is happy with her marriage may be considered insincere by her friends. Hides something, probably.

One of my clients said that recalling episodes of the most severe domestic violence, she is angry not so much with her father - the source of violence, but with her mother, who still revels in her own suffering, willingly tells about them to everyone who is ready to listen to her … but nothing does not make the situation in any way change. "Well, everyone lives like that!"

Work must be hard, family life must be difficult, and children … children - everything is terrible with children. Children must first be a "light in the window", hope … and then - another source of suffering: ungrateful, unlucky, in a word … this is another reason for suffering.

A special case is living in difficult life situations, losses. Yes, a person who has survived the death of loved ones is indeed worthy of compassion and respect.

But I am now writing about cases when suffering becomes a kind of "insignia" that "gives the right …" To such people "the whole world now owes".

I remember a woman who in almost every serious conversation proudly repeated "my mother died in my arms …" - and this memory, oddly enough, filled her with self-confidence and … the feeling that she had the right to help, sympathy, understanding and etc.

In the same way, people can seem to "boast" about their illnesses.

"Why is there your arthritis! My blood pressure is 220! And nothing, I go!"

Suffering becomes

This means that the processing of traumatic experiences into experience does not take place, precious experience is not accumulated, a person freezes in one and only role from the entire wealth of the role repertoire - in the role of a "sufferer".

This role - the sufferer - is invariably sympathetic to those around him. But he is also avoided, and is often used as a background for comparison:

"How do you feel? Thank you, compared to Bublikov, not bad!"

This role is easy to get into. But it is very difficult to get out - the perception of reality is too distorted.

When working with "sufferers" we usually start with an old parable:

One day a traveler was walking along a dusty road and around the bend, in the very sun, in the dust, he saw a man carving a huge stone. The man was cutting a stone and was crying very bitterly …

The traveler asked him why he was crying, and the man said that he was the most unhappy on earth and had the hardest job in the world. Every day he is forced to hew huge stones, earn a pittance, which is barely enough to feed. The traveler gave him a coin and walked on.

And at the next bend in the road I saw another man who was also cutting a huge stone, but did not cry, but was focused on work. And the traveler asked him what he was doing, and the mason said that he was working. Every day he comes to this place and hews his stone. It’s hard work, but he’s glad of it, and the money he’s paid is enough to support his family. The traveler praised him, gave him a coin, and walked on.

And at the next bend in the road I saw another stonecutter who, in the heat and dust, hewed a huge stone and sang a joyful, merry song. The traveler was amazed. "What are you doing?!!" - he asked. The man raised his head, and the traveler saw his happy face.

"Do not you see ? I'm building a temple!"