I'm Still Waiting, But No Longer Suffering Or A Way Out Of Codependency

Video: I'm Still Waiting, But No Longer Suffering Or A Way Out Of Codependency

Video: I'm Still Waiting, But No Longer Suffering Or A Way Out Of Codependency
Video: Codependency: When Relationships Become Everything 2024, April
I'm Still Waiting, But No Longer Suffering Or A Way Out Of Codependency
I'm Still Waiting, But No Longer Suffering Or A Way Out Of Codependency
Anonim

You know, my soul finally became calm. This feeling is like the mirror surface of a deep lake. There are no more stormy impulses of anxiety, cold rain of disappointment, icy fear and searing rage. Did I stop loving you? No. For a year now, I have been thinking about you every day, it is important for me that everything is fine with you - the business develops, the trainings make you happy …

And the thought that you may have another one is not pleasant to me. But they no longer pierce my soul with peals of lightning, but like a smooth stone thrown into the water only slightly creates a slight ripple of waves that disappear in a minute without a trace.

I have not changed my attitude towards you, but I myself have changed.

What happened? You ask.

I have passed my half way towards you. She revealed all my cards to you, introduced you to all shades of my love - it was tenderness, and anger, and fear, and passion, and resentment, and guilt, and bright feelings and a cold shine of reason and calculation. I have shown you in practice that you are a really important and very valuable part of my life. I no longer need to hide it. Yes, it was difficult, because I had never told anyone about the depth of my feelings before. And I told you because there were so many of them and they were so strong that it was unbearable to hide them behind a mask of indifference or a good girl. After that, it became much easier for me.

I did everything in my power to be with you.

I have passed my half way to meet you and now I am waiting for you. I give you time, I do not demand decisive action, I respect you and I understand that your cockroaches need to come to their senses.

No, I do not live with expectation and do not torment myself with questions, what is wrong with me. I'm fine - I have a lot of interesting things to do - a child, work, friends, painting, interesting dates. Yes, there are other men in my life. And they are not a plug for the hole of loneliness and rejection. They are interesting, worthy partners. I have needs for warmth, attention, love and I will not refuse it. I live here and now. And I feel good. Waiting does not bother me, it has turned into a process of choice. Now, as a gourmet, I get to know the different facets of life and choose the best. I live, create and … still waiting for you. But if you don't come, my life won't get any worse.

Now it's your turn to walk your half way towards me.

I will not try to earn your trust, so that you can overcome your fears with my help, I will not send you articles and push you to work on yourself. All I could have already done - I saved myself. Yes, you helped me in your own way, opening my wounds sprinkled with the dust of time, but not healing. Now they are gone, as well as those buttons and levers that turned on my suffering. I stopped walking in a vicious circle of trauma thanks to psychotherapy.

I have no strength and desire to force or persuade you. I deserve to be loved, to be wanted and to be strived for. I want to see admiration in your eyes, reciprocity. I want to see your steps towards me. My path was more difficult, since I was the first to take steps and turned on the light in the lighthouse at the place of our possible meeting.

I can't afford to make the mistake of Scarlett O Hara. I don’t want to feed my soul with hope, I don’t need illusions.

You can come, or you can stop. This will not affect my happiness …

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