2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It's no secret that psychotherapy involves change. People often come for this. Getting rid of a symptom, a change in thinking, attitude towards ourselves and the world - all these are the very changes in a person that we so long for.
And there is one important nuance - no one can change the other. There are many factors involved, such as defense mechanisms, natural resistance, and self-beliefs that run counter to the goals of change. One of the first things that therapists are taught is that we do not change the client directly, but only create the right conditions for this.
And what then happens to our desire to be involved in the changes of the Other? It's hard to deny that most mental health professionals have this desire. It's great to see how the lives of your clients are changing for the better for them. And then we fall into a trap.
Trapped by narcissistic parents. The very moment the therapist loses sight of the fact that change becomes more important to him than the client, problems begin. Each person has his own pace, his own ideas about life and his own `` picture of well-being and health ''. In an effort to change or even `` heal '' the client, we impose our vision of the world on him. And this is the moment when therapy itself dies. In fact, instead of being supportive and genuinely interested in the person, the therapist becomes a narcissistic parent for him. Someone who expects `` higher, faster, stronger '' instead of a realistic vision of a person. In such a position, there is no need to talk about any psychological help.
Moreover, such a `` trap '' can occur in both long-term and short-term therapy or counseling. There is temptation everywhere, as described in Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. The temptation to be a creator, a sculptor of man. It is somewhat similar to plastic surgery, only in the mental sphere. The drama of Pygmalion, in my opinion, was that he did not notice the person. There was only an act of creation. This may have a plausible motive to give the “best” to the client. Only the question arises: what is the best for whom?
After all, it is quite possible that a person has completely different values and builds his self-esteem differently from his therapist. A significant part of the stories of failed therapy or counseling are stories of the psychologist bringing something of his own, alien to the client. The easiest way to be misunderstood by your client, to provoke him with just anger, or even to hurt him is to do morality.
I am not saying that psychotherapy should not lead to change. After all, that's what she's for. Change should not be an end in itself for the therapist. They evoke pleasant feelings, including those of their own competence, however, psychological help exists not only to please psychologists and therapists. It is better when the changes become more meaningful to the client himself. And do not forget that the client changes himself with the help of a psychotherapist. A positive interest in a person, a desire to understand him and give support is what creates the space for such changes.
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