2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people turn to therapy when an inevitable collapse occurs - they were fired from their jobs, divorced their husbands, caught the child using drugs or strong alcoholic drinks, brought themselves to exhaustion or depression. Psychotherapists agree that psychotherapy begins from the place when the client has dealt with his crises, basic anxieties, strong feelings, affects and began to work for deepening, for change. When a person turns to a therapist in a crisis, he is in an eccentric state, and deep psychotherapeutic work is rather difficult to carry out.
What is the difference between therapy in a calm state and in a crisis state? Why does therapy begin from this moment? Why is it better to contact sooner rather than later?
- In a calm state, you can carry out a deep study of the psyche, there is an opportunity to get to those feelings, experiences and memories that cannot be touched in a crisis state (you only think about your problem here and now, and how it is connected with your deep experience is difficult to answer).
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You can not only get to the deepest aspects of the human psyche, but also realize, feel, live, work through the trauma. In a crisis, we rather throw out our affective state, the strongest anxiety, aggression. In a calm state, there is an opportunity to analyze what is connected with what, where it came from, etc. Moreover, our psyche is free for deep experiences. In what sense? You are not worried about a divorce right here and now, you understand that it happened because of your actions (mom and dad had this, and you repeated their behavior model).
It is common for people to repeat their parents' scripts. Relationships with your mother also play an important role - if she was emotionally cold, inaccessible and unstable, your relationship with men can be built on the same principle. Why is that? You don't know how it is “different”. However, your partner wanted to get this emotional closeness and, in the end, could not stand it - here's a divorce for you.
So, we can look deeply, remember our early childhood traumatic experiences, our psyche is free to “dig through” that deep childhood disappointment, resentment, anger, frustration and go out into real external life as a healthier person, free for emotional inclusions. In a crisis, a person simply works through his superficial experiences.
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There is an opportunity to work through some subtle aspects of some experience that you did not notice before. For example, a person is satisfied with his income and expenses, from time to time he worries about the financial component of his life (“Oh God! I don’t have enough money!”), But he calms down rather quickly. In a calm state, you can notice this anxiety, and the therapist will help you work through it, make your life more comfortable.
It may turn out that you have some kind of dissatisfaction in the relationship, but you always close your eyes to it, and sooner or later this will lead to divorce. A year, two, five - dissatisfaction will explode and break your relationship. Any aggression accumulates and the process of non-inhalation of it begins to rage, which destroys everything around. Another example - you notice alarm bells in the child's behavior, but you think that it seemed to you. At the next session of therapy, you decide to discuss - and now you have already saved him from drug addiction (you noticed on time, discussed with the therapist and understood how to talk to the child, talked). In the end, all this helped you to protect yourself from the collapse of your life, from some sad turning points, your experiences here and now become easier.
As a rule, people who have turned to psychotherapy are quite successful, stable at their place of work and in the family - they do not accumulate anxiety and aggression (these feelings spill out in contact with the therapist and give a person the opportunity to experience other sensations - warmth, tenderness, care, thanks, etc.). If our container is already full to the top, how can we put any more feeling there? Experiencing a lot of anxiety, experiencing aggression, you will not always be able to feel something warm and even pleasant, for example, joy.
Many of us are familiar with similar feelings - joyful events, but we cannot experience joy. Why? We don't understand. Come to therapy, work with similar questions - this is very important! Don't fall for your inner convictions - “It's okay! Well, I didn’t feel joy!”. Behind such feelings may lie a deep and bottomless field, an ocean of feelings and experiences, pain, because of which you cannot live a high-quality life, experiencing the whole range of feelings (frustrated, disappointed, offended not for 2 years, but a month - the feelings have passed and changed to more pleasant ones).
Do not delay therapy! If you are wondering if you should come to therapy, definitely go and work. So you can warn yourself against pain, sadness, and some bad events in your life. It is better to do psychotherapy sooner than to reap the rotten fruits later.
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