2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How often we are upset by certain situations, and feelings of resentment or anger acquire such strong tones that they interfere with doing what was planned. Have you ever thought about the fact that often behind what upsets us may not be the situation itself, but our ideas about it ?!
From the series, for example: “That person was looking at me so intently that something was clearly wrong in me”. And then fantasy and anxiety can launch a whole echelon of various unpleasant assumptions and sensations, up to a spoiled mood for the whole day. This example is very superficial, but imagine something more serious and significant! By focusing on your negative feelings, without trying to understand, clarify and analyze them, you can worsen significant relationships and drive yourself into depressive moods.
What can you do to help yourself in this matter ?! If some negative emotions have arisen after the situation and it is not possible to return to square one, then it makes sense to consider this problem under a magnifying glass:
1. listen to yourself and try to identify your emotion / feeling. It is important! Because sometimes the feeling of the same irritation, for example, can hide both anger and disappointment.
2. Having identified the emotion, then you need to recognize how it relates to you, and not just to the situation itself or to its other participants. Internal "I-statements" can help this process, for example: "when it happened … I felt / a … because … and I would like that … and then …"
Usually this communication tactic is recommended for building more productive relationships. It reduces the level of tension, regulates the emotional state and makes it possible to effectively express your dissatisfaction with the situation, and not with a specific person. But if she is so good at dialogue with someone, then you should not underestimate her capabilities, using her as an internal dialogue with yourself. Indeed, sometimes, it is easier to understand another than oneself.
3. Conduct a "brainstorming" - throw all sorts of options (even unlikely) why another participant / and could have manifested itself this way. For example, continuing the same gaze example. It can be assumed that the person was staring because: admired; does not differ in tact; he looked at someone nearby or even looked through, "withdrawing into himself." And here is why and in what the weakness of the supporter appeared that the assumption arose “clearly something is wrong in me” - the question about him, about him and, of course, to him.
Only by asking such questions one should not forget that they are not aimed at taking responsibility for an unpleasant situation on oneself in whole or in part, on the principle of “samdurakvinovat or samaduravinovat”, but are aimed at introspection of your feelings in order to help yourself cope with them!
To understand yourself, to catch your automatic thought is to recognize your attitudes, beliefs, so that later you can evaluate your reaction and check it for "suitability" for the current situation, and not in order to blame yourself for it. Having checked this "suitability", it becomes possible to approach the balance in their reactions: sometime you need to stand up for yourself, and sometime you should not attack others because of your own triggers.
Well, if you cannot ask yourself such questions and look for answers on your own, the help of a psychologist will help you start this process so that more balance and harmony will appear in your life.
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