2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We all experience these states in different ways, depending on our upbringing and the characteristics of nervous activity.
- Some of us experience outbursts of aggression more often or believe that the whole world is opposed to them.
- For some, such states are accompanied by a violent outburst of emotions.
- For some of us, these states induce words and deeds, which we bitterly regret later.
To help us take control of our behavior at such moments, American psychologist Marsha Linehan in the late 1980s. develops rules dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) … Let me introduce you to the most interesting of these rules. You need to do them daily until they become your habits, and then everything in your life will change dramatically!
First, if you feel too intense negative emotions - get distracted:
- actively engage in what gives you pleasure in such a way as to distract yourself from the problem at least for a while;
- compare yourself with those for whom it is much more difficult now than for you;
- help someone, learn to do it regularly, especially those who are worse off than you, but not those who abuse your help and try to control your behavior.
- joke;
- do something that will make you experience even more intense sensations (for example, take a cold shower);
- relax and imagine yourself in a pleasant situation - fantasize and imagine;
- imagine that the problem has already been resolved safely for you - imagine and fantasize;
- As often as possible, especially in a tense situation, ask yourself the questions "what do I feel now?", "What do I really want now?" and give yourself a detailed answer;
- come up with and say a "personal mantra", if you are a believer - pray;
- use any self-regulation techniques, incl. muscle relaxation and breathing exercises;
- take a rest!
- tell yourself in a confident voice: "I am able (to) cope with this problem."
Secondly, if you feel an impending illness or you cannot use the described techniques, additionally use the rules:
- stick to only a healthy diet and moderation in food;
- do not take medications and narcotic drugs if they have not been prescribed by a doctor;
- Sleep 8 hours a day - no more and no less;
- go in for sports - exercise will help the production of endorphins (hormones of joy) and you can experience positive emotions;
- if you feel unwell, consult a doctor and follow all his recommendations.
Thirdly, if in a conflict situation You feel strong aggression or resentment, but want the interlocutor to fulfill your request:
- Describe your problem in detail to the interlocutor;
- Describe in detail to the interlocutor what you feel now and for what reason you need his help;
- behave confidently and as specifically as possible tell what exactly you want from him;
- list all the positive consequences of fulfilling your request for him and for you;
- ignore everything that can distract you from solving the problem - do not pay attention to it;
- keep the appearance of self-confidence, even if it is not;
- seek a compromise, for this, be ready to give in something and sacrifice something for the sake of the interests of another person so as to achieve the main goal for yourself. If you present each other with a whole list of requirements, then as a result of negotiations, everyone must sacrifice half of their list (50/50) or request for request - “bargain” and negotiate.
Fourth, what needs to be done to constantly maintain good relations with people:
- always be polite, exclude any manifestations of aggression in words and behavior, facial expressions and gestures. Never allow yourself to condemn or evaluate other people “do not judge - you will not be judged”;
- learn to always listen to the interlocutor with sincere interest - look into his eyes and ask more questions;
- sympathize with the interlocutor and show that you understand him, with words, facial expressions and gestures;
- stay calm in the presence of other people - smile and joke more often.
Fifth, never lose self esteem:
- be fair to yourself and to the interlocutor;
- if you made a mistake and realize your guilt before the interlocutor - apologize to him, but not more than once;
- remember, no one ever has the right to encroach on your value system and on what you believe in. Don't let other people force you to do things that are not in line with your moral values;
- don't lie - lying harms the relationship. If lying becomes a habit, we quickly lose respect for ourselves.
And finally, the last thing - reread these rules every day until you memorize them.
If you have difficulties with the implementation of a rule, contact a psychologist.
Larisa Dubovikova -
certified psychologist, certified trainer.
e-mail: [email protected], tel.: 8 999 189 74 70
Recommended:
Healthy Aggression. How To Deal With Aggression And Use Aggression To Grow?
How to translate your aggression into a healthy one? How to start expressing it, stop suppressing it? In fact, this is a rather individual issue that is best dealt with seriously, one at a time. However, first you need to understand what is worth paying attention to.
How To Overcome Yourself And Self-doubt By Thinking Differently
Once a little fox was running through the forest and, finding himself in an unfamiliar place, fell into a ravine. He was at the very bottom. And the worst thing is, he got into a bunch of shit. The pile smelled foul. It was sticky and nasty.
How To Raise Self-esteem And Regain Your Self?
Why does your self-esteem fall, what does it depend on, how to raise it and regain your “I”? The first and most important reason is that inside you do not have confidence in yourself and your strengths. Often, self-confidence is based solely on the assessments and opinions of other people.
How To Prevent People From Humiliating And Insulting Themselves? How To Raise Your Self-esteem Without Letting Yourself Be Humiliated?
The answer to this question is pretty simple and short - just don't let it be! React at least somehow to the attacks of others - a word or half a word, but a response phrase must be mandatory! What is the danger of the absence of any reaction to attempts to humiliate you, as a person, to offend you?
Knowing Yourself Is The Foundation Of Your Self-esteem And Confidence
Knowing yourself is the foundation of your self-esteem and confidence! You need to improve your self-esteem! You have low self-esteem! Self-esteem, self-esteem! How often do we hear this word ?! Bloggers, psychologists, marketing companies always discuss it when conducting seminars, trainings and master classes
