How To Raise Self-esteem And Regain Your Self?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why does your self-esteem fall, what does it depend on, how to raise it and regain your “I”?

The first and most important reason is that inside you do not have confidence in yourself and your strengths. Often, self-confidence is based solely on the assessments and opinions of other people. Not just evaluations - subconsciously, you constantly expect some kind of reaction from others, and if it does not follow, you feel bad. For example, after performing a dance, you want everyone to give a standing ovation, not loud enough applause means that the dance was mediocre or completely terrible; you put on a beautiful new dress, but your friend did not notice anything, in the end you decided that the dress was ugly and put it away in the closet. In these situations, one significant nuance is hidden - you forgot to ask yourself if you were comfortable in that dress, did you like your performance, how did you manage to achieve certain results and did you get moral satisfaction from this? The answer to the last question is very important - did you enjoy yourself inside? Shift the focus of attention from other people to yourself, stop waiting for the evaluation of others, think about yourself and evaluate your feelings, sensations and desires. How much do you like what you do in life? If you learn to rely on yourself, in the future you will not think about what other people think and say, how they evaluate your behavior and words. In the context of the question, we are talking about a situation of 1 in 20, that is, if 10 people told you that everything is bad, you should at least listen.

The second reason is that you are constantly fixated on what is considered right and wrong, how to do, and what not to do. In society, there are certain norms, foundations and rules that govern our relationships. This is correct and must be followed. However, in situations "choose a red or green dress", "walk quickly or slowly", "what should be a feminine gait", "what functions a man must perform in a relationship", etc. the decision is made by the person himself (not those around him, not a psychologist or a coach!). What will you, as a man (woman), be comfortable doing in a relationship? Only you know the correct answer to this question! And let the people “talk” around, the main thing is to understand that for me such a model of behavior is the most acceptable and comfortable. You should not listen to other people, as soon as you listen to someone else's opinion - your self-esteem falls, toxic thoughts begin to arise ("He is a narcissist, a manipulator," etc.), due to the lack of a hard inner core and firm self-confidence, a person begins to turn on emotionally …

The last reason is that you don't know yourself. If a person does not know himself well enough, he will not have self-confidence. Often this moment is associated with a positive, good-natured mirroring of another person who fully supports him, wants good and seeks for a friend to know himself more. Why is the effectiveness of psychotherapy quite high in this case? A psychotherapist is always the person who mirrors your feelings, facial expressions, actions (what you did and why), delves into your problem and always gives feedback. It is this feedback that is important in order to build in your consciousness an understanding of yourself (What kind of person am I?). However, there is another task that cannot be completed without the accompaniment of another person - to recognize your shadow (those feelings, character traits that have been repressed). Relatively speaking, a person believes that he is not an egoist and not an evil person, but after all, in everyone's life there are moments when we are evil and selfish. And these are important and necessary moments, they give us some other bonus. However, people are used to denying these situations (“I don’t like this behavior!”). In fact, no matter what character trait or feeling you take, it is inherent in absolutely every one of us. But how often, in what situations, under what circumstances do you use your character traits? The more a person denies "unacceptable" character traits for his consciousness, the more they will cut into the most unpredictable moments of life, doubts. If you do not recognize them, they will "climb" out, controlling your life and living it for you. So, acknowledge your shadow parts, take control of them, and become much more confident in yourself.

That is why, when you are accused ("Yes, you are some kind of evil! Yes, you are an egoist!"), This is due to the fact that you did not accept and did not recognize the part of yourself against which people will bring accusations, and as a result - will be able to greatly influence your opinion and control your actions. Usually, in response to such accusations, a person begins to contradict ("I am not selfish!"). Consciously or unconsciously, if you have not recognized within yourself that you can be an egoist, angry and greedy person, you will begin to prove the opposite to your interlocutor. Consider that this is the hook on which you have already been caught, because after a while you will call it a manipulator.

If you find the strength in yourself and are able to recognize all your negative character traits, you will stop reacting sharply to the attacks of others (“Yes, I am sometimes angry, I allow myself to experience and show this feeling, I do not see anything reprehensible in this!”), you can set boundaries and protect yourself. It is also important to be an egoist - it is impossible to do everything for everyone, to donate your life to other people. As for greed, you can only become wasteful by saving somewhere. Another thing is the degree of this greed (how unbearable it seems to you - then you should first acknowledge this feeling, and then work with it).